Donner Party Poem

[Halahan]

I did this for school, highlighting the main events (the stuff I could remember) of their journey. Good amount of figurative stuff, so you'll only understand it if you know the story. I'll try to explain some things. Not looking for a critique, cause I already turned it in, but overall poetry remarks are fine. Just thought I'd see what people thought of it.
Read the poem first, then again with the explanations

White Ants,
Filled with life,
March in line on the plain, -Wagons with white covers, filled
High hopes, high hopes, with what the families need to survive,
Put at bay by the rain. Storm comes

High hopes, high hopes,
A secret they knew, -Hasting's Cutoff, he had never been
A path to Eden, on it
Not the least proven true.

We were warned by high-livers,
We ignored them like fools, -Mountainmen warned them,
We were blocked by wide rivers, eventually resorted
We forsook all rules. to cannabalism

Low hopes, low hopes,
A plain of pure white,
Low hopes, low hopes, -Salt Flats in Utah
Blinded by light.

Dry as a desert,
Death comes unopposed, -Indians attacked there cattle
Our skin stings and hurts, no one stopped them
The fools all exposed. Find out James Reed is a Moron

High slopes, high slopes
Half weary, half dead, -had to go up high hills, Cattle strained
Taut ropes, taut ropes, James Reed killed a man
Grass stained with red.

We had had all been taught,
Time waits for no man, -They were too late to the pass
We struggle for naught,
Snow blankets the land.

A few go, most stay. -Forlorn hope left, but most stayed
Half die.

It shouldn’t have been this way

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Sorry about the explanations so close the poem, but couldn't get it to work another way

 

[Loading]

I think you did a great job. I'm interested in what you made on it.

 

[Halahan]

Thanks for commenting!

What did you mean by I'm interested in what you made on it."

 

[Loading]

You said that you have already turned it in. That usually means that you turned it in for a grade. Am I not correct in this assumption?

 

[Halahan]

Ya your right...
40/40 and the spoken comment 'Nice poem'

Answer my question (the second post)

 

[hortononon]

Lol

mine is better.. its got more rythm maybe ill post it... wait i dont have it.. but great poem!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Halahan]

Hort, this was old. lol
and when did I tell you about TH?
and how does it rhyme more, every single line of mine rhymes... trust me its better

 

[hortononon]

fine fine fine so it is but u probly spent like 3 days on it, and u did tell me about the helper.and that it helps

 

[Fatmankev]

Nifty little poem you've got here. It flowed well and had a great sense of rhythm. The symbolism was neither too vague nor too obvious, and the explanations helped as well. I really enjoyed reading this. Good job.

 

[Halahan]

lol everyone likes finding this poem and bringing it back. hort, now you..
But thanks.

 

[The Helper]

Nice! For Great Justice!