DM Cross
You want to see a magic trick?
- Reaction score
- 568
Hello, hello! My name is Seth Cross. Some of you may remember me being awesome and those of you who don't, well... That seems like your bad 
I'm kind of a big deal around here and once upon a time, I used to tell little stories or rants about crap that bothered me. It helped me get stuff off my chest and out of my head and it blessed all of you with the enjoyment of my masterwork writing ability and unique sense of sarcasm.
Now that I devoted an entire paragraph to stroking my ego (giggity) let's get right down to some backstory to the real story.
I'm a member of the US Air Force. Currently, I am deployed. Don't ask me where because I can't and won't tell you. But I've been out here a few months in the blazing heat (damn, you guessed it. I got deployed to the seventh layer of Hell, you cunning lil tykes, you!) and I do what I do best; Be awesome. Part of my awesomeness has lead me to find peers that have similar interests to mine; Magic; The Gathering (trading card game) and a group of Dungeons and Dragons players that I jumped into their campaign with. One such individual's (not real) name is Will.I.Am (don't ask) and he's a weird dude. Got a weird sense of humor, little full of himself because he's pretty good at Magic. Prooobably the worse role-player of a Necromancer I've ever seen, but hey, we can forgive him.
Here's where the story gets kind of funny... This dude almost cost me not only a positive Evaluation on my deployment but the chance to win a Decoration for this deployment. Over a joke. On Facebook. About Dungeons and Dragons. Stop me when you're confused...
So we're all playing DnD, and for those of you that don't know, the game consists mostly of rolling dice to see if your character can get anything done or simply dies a level one noob. One of the players, Goliath (again, not a real name) makes a joke about how his Angelic character can single-handedly wield a 2-handed weapon due to his flying ability (he's seriously angelic. Like. He's a freaking angel. Wings, halo, the whole nine yards)
Seth: Wow. Imagine if you rolled and confirmed a critical hit (in order to have a "critical hit" you have to roll a 20 on a 20-sided dice and then roll again to see if you can get enough attack points to hit against the enemy's armor points. Hence roll and confirm) and then rolled 8's on all three damage rolls (great axes have damage of 1d8, so you roll 1 8-sided die. It's critical multiplier is x3, so you would roll 3d8 or 3 8-sided dice for damage)
Goliath: Jees, if you did that, you might as well throw that weapon away. You'd never get that again!
Seth, being sarcastic: Well, at least you could replace it with a nice 1d1 stick (rolling a 1-sided die once)! It'd be reliable, if nothing else... Always the same result!
*Group laughs, moves on to talk about different things for about 5 minutes*
Will.I.Am: Wait. There's no such thing as a 1d1! You can't have 1 side!
*Group stares*
Seth: ... Welcome to this conversation five minutes ago?
*Group laughs again. Seth posts on his FB, tagging Will.I.Am to spread the good times to all. Will.I.Am sees it, makes a sarcastic-sounding comment about how it's "messed up" and then continues to play the game*
So days later, I get a phone call from some Master Sergeant (high ranking enlisted type) telling me he's going to my First Sergeant (kind of like the first stop on the way to getting in trouble. First Sergeants are kind of like Human Resources of the military, for each squadron) to get him to give me paperwork (bad) and get my commander involved (really bad) over the "altercation" on Facebook getting Will.I.Am's mother very upset.
Stop. Let's take this situation apart for a second.
Will.I.Am is a 22 year old MAN (not boy, not teenager, not guy) in a DEPLOYED LOCATION (definitely not a child anymore) and his MOTHER called his DEPLOYED MSGT to complain about a DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS joke that was posted on FACEBOOK while OFF DUTY HOURS.
This is the point in the story/rant where I go off the handle, saying man mean, yet hilarious things about how low do you have to be to have your mother sticking up for you in the God-damned military. This is where I fly off the handle saying what a coward, what a child, what an insecure, pitiful person you need to be for something like this to happen. This is where I ask how the hell do you not have the balls to stand up to your mother when she's freaking out and tell her "Look, it's a joke and I'm a grown damn man, woman!".
But then. Saying all that, I might be a cyber bully
And, abruptly, unpredictably... That's the story
EXCEPT for the part where my First Sergeant does call me into his office and says, with nothing resembling a straight face "The next time you're kicking some 12 year old's ass in some stupid board game, don't post about it on Facebook because some people's mothers haven't cut the umbilical cord yet and you might get labeled a cyber bully. And by the way, Cross, that is the first time I've ever had to use the term "cyber bully" in my career. Thank you, for this experience. Now go away."
Enjoy the stupidity that is the military and it's politics.
The morale of this story is DON'T BE A CYBER BULLY! Because it doesn't matter what you say or where it is, you can get in trouble because this softer generation needs to regain some God-damned balls on it.
My poor sons, growing up in a world of weakness... Sigh Have a nice day!
I'm kind of a big deal around here and once upon a time, I used to tell little stories or rants about crap that bothered me. It helped me get stuff off my chest and out of my head and it blessed all of you with the enjoyment of my masterwork writing ability and unique sense of sarcasm.Now that I devoted an entire paragraph to stroking my ego (giggity) let's get right down to some backstory to the real story.
I'm a member of the US Air Force. Currently, I am deployed. Don't ask me where because I can't and won't tell you. But I've been out here a few months in the blazing heat (damn, you guessed it. I got deployed to the seventh layer of Hell, you cunning lil tykes, you!) and I do what I do best; Be awesome. Part of my awesomeness has lead me to find peers that have similar interests to mine; Magic; The Gathering (trading card game) and a group of Dungeons and Dragons players that I jumped into their campaign with. One such individual's (not real) name is Will.I.Am (don't ask) and he's a weird dude. Got a weird sense of humor, little full of himself because he's pretty good at Magic. Prooobably the worse role-player of a Necromancer I've ever seen, but hey, we can forgive him.
Here's where the story gets kind of funny... This dude almost cost me not only a positive Evaluation on my deployment but the chance to win a Decoration for this deployment. Over a joke. On Facebook. About Dungeons and Dragons. Stop me when you're confused...
So we're all playing DnD, and for those of you that don't know, the game consists mostly of rolling dice to see if your character can get anything done or simply dies a level one noob. One of the players, Goliath (again, not a real name) makes a joke about how his Angelic character can single-handedly wield a 2-handed weapon due to his flying ability (he's seriously angelic. Like. He's a freaking angel. Wings, halo, the whole nine yards)
Seth: Wow. Imagine if you rolled and confirmed a critical hit (in order to have a "critical hit" you have to roll a 20 on a 20-sided dice and then roll again to see if you can get enough attack points to hit against the enemy's armor points. Hence roll and confirm) and then rolled 8's on all three damage rolls (great axes have damage of 1d8, so you roll 1 8-sided die. It's critical multiplier is x3, so you would roll 3d8 or 3 8-sided dice for damage)
Goliath: Jees, if you did that, you might as well throw that weapon away. You'd never get that again!
Seth, being sarcastic: Well, at least you could replace it with a nice 1d1 stick (rolling a 1-sided die once)! It'd be reliable, if nothing else... Always the same result!
*Group laughs, moves on to talk about different things for about 5 minutes*
Will.I.Am: Wait. There's no such thing as a 1d1! You can't have 1 side!
*Group stares*
Seth: ... Welcome to this conversation five minutes ago?
*Group laughs again. Seth posts on his FB, tagging Will.I.Am to spread the good times to all. Will.I.Am sees it, makes a sarcastic-sounding comment about how it's "messed up" and then continues to play the game*
So days later, I get a phone call from some Master Sergeant (high ranking enlisted type) telling me he's going to my First Sergeant (kind of like the first stop on the way to getting in trouble. First Sergeants are kind of like Human Resources of the military, for each squadron) to get him to give me paperwork (bad) and get my commander involved (really bad) over the "altercation" on Facebook getting Will.I.Am's mother very upset.
Stop. Let's take this situation apart for a second.
Will.I.Am is a 22 year old MAN (not boy, not teenager, not guy) in a DEPLOYED LOCATION (definitely not a child anymore) and his MOTHER called his DEPLOYED MSGT to complain about a DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS joke that was posted on FACEBOOK while OFF DUTY HOURS.
This is the point in the story/rant where I go off the handle, saying man mean, yet hilarious things about how low do you have to be to have your mother sticking up for you in the God-damned military. This is where I fly off the handle saying what a coward, what a child, what an insecure, pitiful person you need to be for something like this to happen. This is where I ask how the hell do you not have the balls to stand up to your mother when she's freaking out and tell her "Look, it's a joke and I'm a grown damn man, woman!".
But then. Saying all that, I might be a cyber bully
And, abruptly, unpredictably... That's the story
EXCEPT for the part where my First Sergeant does call me into his office and says, with nothing resembling a straight face "The next time you're kicking some 12 year old's ass in some stupid board game, don't post about it on Facebook because some people's mothers haven't cut the umbilical cord yet and you might get labeled a cyber bully. And by the way, Cross, that is the first time I've ever had to use the term "cyber bully" in my career. Thank you, for this experience. Now go away."
Enjoy the stupidity that is the military and it's politics.
The morale of this story is DON'T BE A CYBER BULLY! Because it doesn't matter what you say or where it is, you can get in trouble because this softer generation needs to regain some God-damned balls on it.
My poor sons, growing up in a world of weakness... Sigh
Have a nice day!
