[List] Jokes & Fun Stuff

[zoll3]

Introduction

Well here i will make a list of jokes and other fun stuff listed in catogories .. The thing is you will write a very funny joke or post some funny stuff , and i will put it to the list .. Comments and quotes to others jokes are allowed .. And so you dont mis-understand i mean like this:

Person 1: <The joke>
Person 2: Haha ! funny one ... <New joke>

And so on .. but if you just want to comment some ones joke and dont got one .. its okay..

I will list the jokes in catogories .. So just go on !



Unexpectable Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road!?



Sex Jokes

Auugh!
Lucky Guy !
Why you dont ride your bike ?

Funny Facts

Im not a chicken!
Moon Collide
Mixed Jokes
Magical Slide

Women

Pay's and Menstrautions

Politics

Saddam !
Bussssh !

Geographic

NYLON

Mixed Jokes

Got you !

Dwarves

Wauw !

 

[Monsterous]

I couldnt help myself

Why did the CHICKEN cross the road!?
-To Get to the Other Side

How Original!
How Bold!
How Unstoppable!

How bloody stupid...

 

[zoll3]

The one with the chicken is very un expectable , its not becourse im laughing about the joke but i didnt expect the chicken to cross the road just to get other side ? ;o anyway i will add it in the list of "Stupid jokes" haha , kidding


Here is another joke :


Deep Explanation

Why do the men allways give their coat to girls who are freezing?
- Becourse they wont have a blowjob of someone , who has clapping teeth!?


Hehe , didnt knew if it was funny , but i laughed about it

 

[Monsterous]

Ok... ANOTHER ONE!

Why did the HEN cross the road?
-To show she wasn't a CHICKEN!

Absolutely 200% better than the last!
Absolutely great and crazy!
Absolutely Original!

Absoloutely 100% stupid!
^ ^
| .| (hidden message )

 

[zoll3]

Haha ! , yes sure was alot better than last one , this i laughed to

nice ! added to the list.


I got one more



Pay is like Menstraution :nuts:

Pay is like menstraution .... It'll come once a month and is limited in about 7-8 days .. and if it isnt coming .. You are fu*ked !

 

[elmstfreddie]

Monsterous, I got your hidden message. Hens ARE chickens arg! Not to mention hens are female chickens, and you said to prove HE isn't a chicken. Ah!

K I didn't write these but they are funny somehow... They all work in coordinence

How many elephants fit in a Volkswagon Beetle?
> 4, 2 in the front 2 in the back.

How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
> there's a footprint in the mayo

How do you know if there's two elephants in your fridge?
> there's two footprints in the mayo

How do you know if there's three elephants in your fridge?
> the door won't close

How do you know if there's four elephants in your fridge?
> there's a Volkswagon Beetle in your driveway

How do you kill a blue elephant?
> shoot it with a blue elephant gun

How do you kill a pink elephant?
> Hold its trunk closed until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun

LOLZORS I have a bad sense of humour lol

OKAY OKAY light bulb jokes

How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> 2. One to ensure everyone that everything possible is being done to solve the problem. The other to screw it into the water faucet.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
> Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.

How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
> Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.


LOL Star Trek

 

[Monsterous]

Rofl. Last one was good. but ive NEVER got the Beetle one.
EVER

Now. for a nice one

There is a Magical slide. When you go down it it will grant anything you say whilst on it.
One kid slid down and shouted "GOLD". And he landed in a Pile of Gold.
Another kid slid down and shouted "SHEEP" and he landed in a pile of Sheep.
Then Another kid slid down and shouted "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and he landed in a pile of! Wee (or piss) for all those who did not get it.

 

[zoll3]

Nice ones .. i will add yours monstrous..

elemstfreddie .. i think i just choose the best ones

Thx for the jokes.. come with more !


Here is one ( i dont know how good it is .. im trying to translate it from danish to english ):

The guy came into a message center .. And as they couldnt agree about the price , the whore said:

- Okay , you pay me 1$ , evry time you pull it in , and 1$ evry time you take it out . Then we calculate after ?.

- That sounds fair , said the guy , and he started ..

A bit later the guy stopped and began to laugh..

- What is so funny ? asks the whore..

- Well , i only got 33$ .. so now i cant get out .



~Edit~

I forgot to mention i will add the latest jokes later , becourse i have to go now ^^ good luck with finding jokes. .

 

[Monsterous]

ROFL.
Damn thats funny.

Heres another one.

What happens when Mars and the Moon Collide?
- No "Surf's Up" anymore.
(meh made it up on the spot)

 

[zoll3]

Nice ^^ i got another one too:


President Bush got a CODE-MESSAGE from Saddam Hussein:

370Hssv o773H


He sent it to C.I.A to get the code cleared , and the Agents was falling on the floor of laughing when they turned the code 180 degress..



AND i got one more tought:


Why do Sadam Hussein hate soda ?

- Becourse it says "Buuussshhh" when you open it

 

[Monsterous]

Not bad

Ok heres another one.

President Bush decides to launch a Nuke.
But at his own Country.

Why?

So he can threaten them to make him President in the Election!!!

 

[zoll3]

Nice ! , keep going .. i add all tomorrow , im gonna go afk now .. cu all

 

[pheonixashes]

I've got one sexual joke, dunno if it's appropriate....

One day, a kid went home to his dad. "Daddy! Daddy! Guess what?"

"What, son?"

"I had sex today!"

"Good job son, for that, I'm gonna buy you a bike."

So, the next day, the dad sees his soon on the couch, watching TV. He says, "Why aren't you riding your bike?"

"Because my butt still hurts."

 

[Monsterous]

ROFLMAO
Funniest.
Ever
Joke
Since
The
Start
Of
This
Thread.



Heres mine.

Why is NYLON A Govemernetal Capital War?
Because its New York and LONdon. (NYLON when u add the capitals)

Meh, not the best i know but original

 

[zoll3]

All added ^^


I got another one here:


------

A Guy went to his female colleague and says:

- "Ahh .. Wauw your hair smells good !"
The woman gets angry and go to the boss claiming for sexichane !
The Boss Asks wierd:

- "What is wrong with , that a colleague says , your hair smells good ?"
- "HES A DWARF!"

 

[Monsterous]

I didnt get it at first...
But then...
Its kinda... Disturbing O_O

But funny at the same time.

Ok heres one.

An Elephant goes to a River to Drink. But he couldnt.
Why?
His Trunk was made of wood.

Damn thats absolutely
100%
DAMN
GOD DAMN
SUPER TRIPLE MEGA DAMN
crap.

 

[elmstfreddie]

LMFAOFMALFMAOFMAFLMAFOFALFM
I like the dwarf one and the bike one..!

Okay okay this one is freaking annoying. And dumb. I learnt it in like grade 5 or something.

There was this kid whose dad was very rich. His dad said he would get him anything for his birthday. He told his son, "You can have whatever you want, so think about it for a few days." So, 3 days later, the boy says, "I want pink ping pong balls!" The father protests, saying he could have ANYTHING, but the boy insists to have pink ping pong balls.
At his next birthday, the same thing persisted.
By the time he turned 16, he had gotten his license and his dad said he could have anything for his birthday. Yet again the boy asked for pink ping pong balls, and his dad said, "Aren't you sure you don't want a Porsche, or a Lamborghini???" Of course the boy said no, he wanted pink ping pong balls!
When his birthday came around, his dad told him to go into the garage with his eyes closed. He walked into the garage, and opened his eyes. He saw a Porsche, he frowned. Then his dad said, "Open the door." Inside the Porsche was a tonne of pink ping pong balls!!! The boy was very happy, but the dad said, "Why do you want these pink ping pong balls anyways?" and the boy didn't tell him.
Later as the boy was driving his Porsche, he crashed! He was rushed to the hospital.
At the hospital his dad said he could have anything he wanted, but the boy just asked for pink ping pong balls again. So his dad asked again, "What's with the pink ping pong balls???" His son was in critical condition by this point, so he decided he would tell his father, "I..." cough "want them because..." and the boy died.

See? Miserable. You probably wish you never read it.

 

[zoll3]

hahahahaha !!! freddie ! freaking nice one man ! hahahahahhaha ..

I add it to the list


to Monstrous: It isnt dirsturp to write a funny joke about a dwarf .. whats wrong with it ?? ... people writes jokes about "Yo mamma" too , isnt that disturb for my mamma ?

 

[elmstfreddie]

He says it's disturbing because it talks about the hairs in a certain lower spot >_>

 

[zoll3]

nahh its just funny