Some rules to write good

Lambda_drive

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1) Avoid alliteration. Always.
2) Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3) Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4) Employ the vernacular.
5) Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6) Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8 ) Contractions aren't necessary.
9) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10) One should never generalize.
11) Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12) Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13) Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14) Profanity sucks.
15) Be more or less specific.
16) Understatement is always best.
17) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18 ) One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20) The passive voice is to be avoided.
21) Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22) Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23) Who needs rhetorical questions?
 

DogOfHavoc

Future Tragedy
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Aaha WrongVine I clicked this thread with the intention of saying the same thing.

As for these tips...

I'm not sure what qualifies Lambda to come and dictate how we should write.

Regardless, some of these tips are just plain bad.

4) Employ the vernacular. and 14) Profanity sucks.
These two tips contradict. Obscene words are part of the vernacular. People swear in real life, they should swear in fiction. In fact, tiptoeing around obscenity can lead to weak and diluted writing.

19) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. and 22) Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
No, when used well, they clarify. Most successful writers use a healthy mix of similes and metaphors.


I realize you were trying to employ ironic humor here, but I think you were still being serious with the points you were making. I hope not.
 

Lambda_drive

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Some of you are reading way too much into my "rules". They were ment 100% for humor, nothing more nothing less. :)
 

Miz

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Some of you are reading way too much into my "rules". They were ment 100% for humor, nothing more nothing less. :)

Good. Because I was about to rip the entire list into pieces. With a breakdown.

25) Write only for yourself. Than consider others and an audience into the equation.
26) There are no real rules for writing
27) "The Code is more of what you call Guidelines than actual rules"
 

ElderKingpin

Post in the anime section, or die.
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my English teacher would have failed you from the moment she read the title xD
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
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I find it funny that no one noticed he broke all his rules (and sensed the humour in it) :D

lol, I just realize that. +1!

"23) Who needs rhetorical questions?"

"17) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement."

Ha. Ha.

~Hai-Bye-Vine~
 

UndeadDragon

Super Moderator
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Some of you are reading way too much into my "rules". They were ment 100% for humor, nothing more nothing less. :)

I noticed that from the title :)

The "rules" were pretty good puns.
 
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