Joke of the Day [Retired]

[Black Hawk]

ROFL! Thats good. :thup: too bad I cant +rep you.

 

[Lobster]

ROFL! Thats good. :thup: too bad I cant +rep you.

ill take care of it. awesome joke.
umm nvm I can't either

 

[Monovertex]

I did it for both of you .

 

[Pineapple]

Icing on the cake​

So a husband and wife are getting intamate with each other in there room when all of a sudden their daughter knocks on the door and says " mommy, daddy what are you doing?"

The dad shouts out "We are baking a cake go back to bed." so the daughter being the little girl she is goes to bed.

The next night the parents can't make it to the bed room and have sex on the couch. The next morning the daughter asks the parent at breakfast " Mommy, daddy, did you bake a cake again last night?"

The dad startled, says " Yes, how did you know?

The girl replies " I licked the icing off the couch."

 

[Lobster]

Icing on the cake​

So a husband and wife are getting intamate with each other in there room when all of a sudden their daughter knocks on the door and says " mommy, daddy what are you doing?"

The dad shouts out "We are baking a cake go back to bed." so the daughter being the little girl she is goes to bed.

The next night the parents can't make it to the bed room and have sex on the couch. The next morning the daughter asks the parent at breakfast " Mommy, daddy, did you bake a cake again last night?"

The dad startled, says " Yes, how did you know?

The girl replies " I licked the icing off the couch."

kinda creepy, but hilarious.

 

[Jaujarahje]

I heard one kinda like that, I would post what i can remember of it but i might anger pineapple

 

[FireCat]

baking a cake a on a coutch
haha, Great jokes!

 

[Pineapple]

Docter, docter!​

"Doctor, doctor! Everyone keeps disagreeing with me!"

"No they don't."



"Doctor, doctor! I was playing a kazoo and I swallowed it!"

"Lucky you weren't playing the piano."

 

[Jaujarahje]

lol

 

[Pineapple]

Dishes​

So this guy has sex with his girlfriend before going to meet her family. He uses Vaseline, and goes at it for several minutes. When he's done, he pocket's it and forgets about it.

THey arive at her parents house and his girlfriend tells him, "Just a heads up, my family is kinda weird. Whoever talks during dinner has to do the dishes." Whatever, he thought, he could deal.

When they walked in the house, there were dirty dishes EVERYWHERE! Up and down the stairs, the living room, the kitchen, simply everywhere. Well, they are eating dinner, and he can't stand the silence. He thinks, there has GOT to be something to make these people talk.

He grabs ahold of his girlfriend and locks lips. From the parents comes a *grumble* *grumble* *grumble* but nothing is said. Baffled, the man sweeps the dishes off the table, throws down his girlfriend, and commences to fucking her on the table. Louder *grumble* *grumble* *grumble* is heard, but nothing. WHen he finishes up, he's thoroughly upset now, so he grabs the wife, throws her down, and commences to fucking HER on the table. Very loud *grumble* *grumble* from her, even louer from her husband. But nothing. The guy finishes up and looks at his pants. There's a wet spot forming at the pocket. He knows it's not him, he just released twice. Reaching in his pocket, he is srprised to pull out the Vaseline he forgot about.

The father jumps up from the table. "FUCK IT! I'LL DO THE DAMN DISHES!"

 

[Lobster]

haha. awesome. lol at father thinking they are gonna go that far in front of them.

 

[Pineapple]

Potentially and Realistically​

A young boy approaches his father and asks, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learned from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that." The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much stuff a million dollars could buy?"

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes, sir, I did.

Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."

 

[Jaujarahje]

haha how true

 

[Pineapple]

Suprising Buttsecks​

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

 

[Pineapple]

Credits go ou to Anman64 for the joke, he PMed it to me. :thup:

 

[Xapphire]

hahahaha

 

[Jaujarahje]

lol so clever and sneaky

 

[Pineapple]

Sounds Right...​

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

 

[Pineapple]

Credits to esb this time.

 

[trb92]

Quite an accurate description of politics, sad as that may be. Keep bringing us these amazing things, Pineapple.

Nice job, esb. This is great.