Robotexual
New Member
- Reaction score
- 3
Your mother is so fat.
Momma Jokes
- Thread starter Robotexual
- Start date
AgentPaper
From the depths, I come.
- Reaction score
- 107
You trying for a list of "Yo Momma" jokes?
Yo momma so dumb, she took a spoon to the super bowl!
Yo momma so fat, things really DO orbit around her!
Yo momma so dumb, she took a spoon to the super bowl!
Yo momma so fat, things really DO orbit around her!
w/e
Boaroceraptorasaurus-Rex
- Reaction score
- 275
Yo Mammas So Ugly…
she put the Boogie man outta business.
in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted "What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
her Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye...
she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
your papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
she turned Medusa into Stone.
they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.
they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!
Yo Mammas So Stupid…
she stole Free Loafs from the Bakers.
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
she makes Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a curb.
she cooks Indian curry with Old Spice.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
when I asked her Are You Single? - she said, no 'I is Double jointed'
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Easter and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she asks me what Jeans I wear. I said 'Guess' and she said - 'Wrangler???'
when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'
Yo Mammas So Fat…
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
NASA plans to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
when she went to the Zoo, Elephants began throwing peanuts at her.
small objects orbit her.
she makes olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide & Seek only because I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of gas!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
her favorite food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
when she wears an 'X' on her jacket, Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellies.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
Yo Mammas So Poor…
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal my wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kicking a can down the road I asked her what she was doing, she said 'Moving'
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's the 4th tree on your right..."
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she screamed - "Don't use the good china"
Your Mammas So Old…
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back memories...
when she first ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she's got the first autographed Koran.
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found your momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
She had cybersex with Bill Gates when he was in pre-K
her social security number is 000-000-001
she's got Adam and Eve's autograph
she was told to act her own age...and she died.
she's got Roman Numerals on her birth certificate
Yo Mammas So Smelly…
the government make her wear a Biohazard warning
she made Right Guard call for backup.
an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?'
that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...
she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.
her crap is glad to escape.
that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...
that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...
even sewer rats get out of her way...
that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...
she has to creep up on the bath water.
that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.
that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.
she put the Boogie man outta business.
in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted "What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
her Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye...
she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
your papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
she turned Medusa into Stone.
they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.
they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!
Yo Mammas So Stupid…
she stole Free Loafs from the Bakers.
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
she makes Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a curb.
she cooks Indian curry with Old Spice.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
when I asked her Are You Single? - she said, no 'I is Double jointed'
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Easter and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she asks me what Jeans I wear. I said 'Guess' and she said - 'Wrangler???'
when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'
Yo Mammas So Fat…
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
NASA plans to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
when she went to the Zoo, Elephants began throwing peanuts at her.
small objects orbit her.
she makes olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide & Seek only because I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of gas!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
her favorite food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
when she wears an 'X' on her jacket, Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellies.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
Yo Mammas So Poor…
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal my wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kicking a can down the road I asked her what she was doing, she said 'Moving'
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's the 4th tree on your right..."
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she screamed - "Don't use the good china"
Your Mammas So Old…
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back memories...
when she first ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she's got the first autographed Koran.
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found your momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
She had cybersex with Bill Gates when he was in pre-K
her social security number is 000-000-001
she's got Adam and Eve's autograph
she was told to act her own age...and she died.
she's got Roman Numerals on her birth certificate
Yo Mammas So Smelly…
the government make her wear a Biohazard warning
she made Right Guard call for backup.
an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?'
that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...
she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.
her crap is glad to escape.
that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...
that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...
even sewer rats get out of her way...
that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...
she has to creep up on the bath water.
that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.
that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.
SilverHawk
General Iroh - Dragon of the West
- Reaction score
- 89
I only know one...
Yo momma so fat, when God said let there be light, he asked her to move out of the way.
Yo momma so fat, when God said let there be light, he asked her to move out of the way.
Myzteryz
It only does everything.
- Reaction score
- 90
My favorite is...
Yo mama so fat, I ran out of gas driving around her.
Yo mama so fat, I ran out of gas driving around her.
1JadedJen
Send Lawyers, Guns and Money
- Reaction score
- 65
I just recently heard this one on tv:
Yo mama so fat, after I was done I rolled over twice and I was still on top
Yo mama so fat, after I was done I rolled over twice and I was still on top
SD_Ryoko
Ultra Cool Member
- Reaction score
- 85
Yo momma so fat, I told her it was chilly outside, she went and got a BOWL
Your momma so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
Your momma so fat, she broke her leg and Ragu came out.
Your momma so fat, I tied a 2x4 to my ass so I wouldn't fall in.
Your momma so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
Your momma so fat, she broke her leg and Ragu came out.
Your momma so fat, I tied a 2x4 to my ass so I wouldn't fall in.
Husky
Local Lurker
- Reaction score
- 120
What about:
Your Mum's so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone.
-Husky
Your Mum's so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone.
-Husky
PB_and_J
level 85 anti-spammer
- Reaction score
- 41
yo momma so fat, she can't wake up on the wrong side of the bed, she wakes up on both.
sqrage
Mega Super Ultra Cool Member
- Reaction score
- 514
you mother is so fat, then when she jumped for joy she got stuck.
S
SirGre
Guest
Yo momma's so hairy, when you were born, you almost died of rugburn
Yo momma's so fat, her farts enhance global warming
Yo momma's so old, if she's asked to act her age, she dies
First and third are my friend's, second is mine
Yo momma's so fat, her farts enhance global warming
Yo momma's so old, if she's asked to act her age, she dies
First and third are my friend's, second is mine
R
red_rabit
Guest
man yo moma is sooo fat she jumps up (lol shes to fat to jump)and gets stuck
S
sapmangat
Guest
yo momma is so stupid, when somebody said "christmas is around the corner" she looked!
Blackveiled
Formerly, Ban-Lord
- Reaction score
- 157
Heres mine
Your mom is so stupid she bought 'Solar Powered Flashlights' REALLY WORK!
Also...
(heres some from other people)
Your mom is so stupid she got hit by a parked car
(other jokes i made)
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
What?
You can unscrew the lightbulb
Your mom is so stupid she bought 'Solar Powered Flashlights' REALLY WORK!
Also...
(heres some from other people)
Your mom is so stupid she got hit by a parked car
(other jokes i made)
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
What?
You can unscrew the lightbulb
idk_a_name
ABC GUM :D
- Reaction score
- 43
Your mamas so fat we had to grease the door frame and hold a twinky on the other side just to get her outa the room
Your mamas so ugly here birthcertificant was an apology from the condum company
Your mamas so ugly her mom had to tie meat around her just to have the dog play wth her
Your mamas so ugly here birthcertificant was an apology from the condum company
Your mamas so ugly her mom had to tie meat around her just to have the dog play wth her
O
ok well then
Guest
YOUR MOTHER IS SO F@$%ING fat that we were watching The Titantic and she walked past the tv and we missed the hole movie
ur moma so stupid she tryed to dround a fisht
ur mama so fat she had more chins than a chines phone book !!!!!!! ohhhhhh u need some ice for that burn lol
and 1 joke thats kinda kreepy but i like it any way wats the difference between a corvet and a bag of dead babys i dont have a corvet in my garage
ur moma so stupid she tryed to dround a fisht
ur mama so fat she had more chins than a chines phone book !!!!!!! ohhhhhh u need some ice for that burn lol
and 1 joke thats kinda kreepy but i like it any way wats the difference between a corvet and a bag of dead babys i dont have a corvet in my garage
idk_a_name
ABC GUM :D
- Reaction score
- 43
ok well then said:
try to spell things out better i fixed them this time
O
ok well then
Guest
so i cant use AIM ling go here?
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The Helper:
Here is a great appetizer recipe Texas style! https://www.thehelper.net/threads/recipe-chicken-stuffed-poblano-peppers.194086/ -
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If you are new to the site please check out the Recipe and Food Forum https://www.thehelper.net/forums/recipes-and-food.220/
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How come you're so into recipes lately? Never saw this much interest in this topic in the old days of TH.net -
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tom_mai78101:
Signatures can be edit in your account profile. As for the old stuffs, I'm thinking it's because Blizzard is now under Microsoft, and because of Microsoft Xbox going the way it is, it's dreadful. -
The Helper:
I am not big on the recipes I am just promoting them - I use the site as a practice place promoting stuff+2
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Monovertex:
@tom_mai78101 I must be blind. If I go on my profile I don't see any area to edit the signature; If I go to account details (settings) I don't see any signature area either.
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The Helper:
You can get there if you click the bell icon (alerts) and choose preferences from the bottom, signature will be in the menu on the left there https://www.thehelper.net/account/preferences
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The Helper:
I think I need to split the Sci/Tech news forum into 2 one for Science and one for Tech but I am hating all the moving of posts I would have to do
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The Helper:
New dessert for Summer - https://www.thehelper.net/threads/recipe-lemon-blueberry-layer-cheesecake.194113/
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Varine:
Crazy how much 3d printing has come in the last few years. Sad that it's not as easily modifiable though -
Varine:
I bought an Ender 3 during the pandemic and tinkered with it all the time. Just bought a Sovol, not as easy. I'm trying to make it use a different nozzle because I have a fuck ton of Volcanos, and they use what is basically a modified volcano that is just a smidge longer, and almost every part on this thing needs to be redone to make it work
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Varine:
Luckily I have a 3d printer for that, I guess. But it's ridiculous. The regular volcanos are 21mm, these Sovol versions are about 23.5mm
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Varine:
So, 2.5mm longer. But the thing that measures the bed is about 1.5mm above the nozzle, so if I swap it with a volcano then I'm 1mm behind it. So cool, new bracket to swap that, but THEN the fan shroud to direct air at the part is ALSO going to be .5mm to low, and so I need to redo that, but by doing that it is a little bit off where it should be blowing and it's throwing it at the heating block instead of the part, and fuck man
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Varine:
I didn't realize they designed this entire thing to NOT be modded. I would have just got a fucking Bambu if I knew that, the whole point was I could fuck with this. And no one else makes shit for Sovol so I have to go through them, and they have... interesting pricing models. So I have a new extruder altogether that I'm taking apart and going to just design a whole new one to use my nozzles. Dumb design.
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Varine:
Can't just buy a new heatblock, you need to get a whole hotend - so block, heater cartridge, thermistor, heatbreak, and nozzle. And they put this fucking paste in there so I can't take the thermistor or cartridge out with any ease, that's 30 dollars. Or you can get the whole extrudor with the direct driver AND that heatblock for like 50, but you still can't get any of it to come apart
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Varine:
Partsbuilt has individual parts I found but they're expensive. I think I can get bits swapped around and make this work with generic shit though
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