Joke of the Day [Retired]

[Prometheus]

15 Signs You Drank Too Much​

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.

14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

12 - Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.

11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

10 - Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes.

9 - For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the automobile.

8 - You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

7 - Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.

6 - Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

5 - Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's Vomit Man!"

4 - The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.

3 - Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

2 - Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

1 - You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

 

[Prometheus]

Playing Doctor​

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.

"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.

"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.

When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.

The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test.

 

[esb]

LOL at urine test!!!
Funny cause ima go to the doc tommorow xD

 

[FireBladesX]

11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

Trophy?

 

[Prometheus]

Cat Rescue​

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"

"No," she cries, "It's too far!"

"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and he runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one-handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

 

[Darthfett]

Cat Rescue​

Hahahaha. I saw that one coming, but it's no less awesome.

 

[Pineapple]

The King.

Is.

Back.

 

[Azlier]

Oh noes.

 

[Prometheus]

The King.

Is.

Back.

Do you want me to still post jokes, or will you handle it from here?

 

[Romek]

I've been here for a while, actually.
I just don't post much in this thread.

 

[Pineapple]

Do you want me to still post jokes, or will you handle it from here?

I'll take over reigns. Check your PM's, shortly.

 

[Jaujarahje]

Woooo pineapple is back
Thanks for taking over in his absence kc102

 

[Prometheus]

Well I'll be posting a joke every friday, so don't think you're rid of me.

 

[Pineapple]

Hard to hear​

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

 

[Danny Cross]

ok all I need to say is poor kitty!!!

 

[CaptDeath]

lol @ cat rescue

 

[Prometheus]

Hard to hear​

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

Wheres that Siamese cat?

 

[Azlier]

Hard to hear​

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

I don't get it...

 

[Prometheus]

They can't hear each other properly.

 

[Romek]

> One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

The guy thought he said "Wednesday, isn't it?"
> "No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

This guy thought he said "I'm thirsty" or something.
> And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."