Joke of the Day [Retired]

[Black Hawk]

ROFL

> ^^ head another version of that joke before
Don't you mean heard?

 

[Jaujarahje]

hah thats an awesome joke

 

[Pineapple]

Talking Chicken​

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

 

[Pineapple]

Crosswords are tricky​

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person." Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff.

Shortly after takeoff, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. "This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'?"
Only one word leapt to mind ... "My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word." The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said, "I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'."

"Oooooh, of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

 

[Jaujarahje]

hah we all know everyone would put that word down and think its right

 

[Pineapple]

Donation​

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."

 

[Monovertex]

ROFL!!! Oh my... that is epic xD.

 

[UndeadDragon]

Thats a good one!

 

[Jaujarahje]

haha that one was so great

 

[Sil3nt]

Took me a while to get it XD

 

[Pineapple]

Stop or slow down​

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Logan, West Virginia. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and Registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop,
that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and Stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes Out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
---------------------------

 

[esb]

Omg!!!! ROFL!
Kick ass cop!!!

 

[Jaujarahje]

Lol that would be me as a cop, if I could think of that

God I love you and your jokes pineapple

 

[Pineapple]

Jesus is watching you​

A burglar breaks into a house. As he goes near the tv, a voice says:" Jesus is watching you." Thinking it was just the television, he unplugs it. He then heads for an expensive painting. Just as he is about to touch it, he hears the voice again, saying: "Jesus is watching you." He looks around, and sees a radio. He checks to see if it's on. It wasn't so he goes around the room and finds a parrot.

"Was that you saying that?" He asks the bird.

"Yes, and Jesus is watching you." The bird tells him.

"What's your name?"

"Moses."

"What kind of people name their parrot Moses?"

"The same people that name their rottweiler Jesus."

 

[Jaujarahje]

bet he shit himself after that

 

[duyen]

If this is going to be an official thread, the grammar should be cleaned up.

If you don't speak english natively, I can correct you.

 

[Pineapple]

If this is going to be an official thread, the grammar should be cleaned up.

If you don't speak english natively, I can correct you.

I do, lots of these are simple cope and pastes, If i notice its bad when I read them I will usually do some quick touch ups. In the end, it wont effect it much.

Though, if you do find some errors, feel free to post. I will fix them.

 

[duyen]

A burglar breaks into a house. As he goes near the tv, a voice says:" Jesus is watching you." Thinking it was just the television, he unplugs it. He then heads for an expensive painting. Just as he is about to touch it, he hears the voice again, saying: "Jesus is watching you." He looks around, and sees a radio. He checks to see if it's on. It wasn't so he goes around the room and finds a parrot.

"Was that you saying that?" He asks the bird.

"Yes, and Jesus is watching you." The bird tells him.

"What's your name?"

"Moses."

"What kind of people name their parrot Moses?"

"The same people that name their rottweiler Jesus."

______

Fixed.

Bolded parts are changed.

 

[Pineapple]

Multiplying like rabbits​

Man walks into a bar another man comes up to him and says

"right if i give you two rabbits another two rabbits and another two rabbits how many do you have

"7" the 1st man says

"no no the 2nd man says il repeat it i give you two rabbits another two rabbits and another two rabbits how many do you have"

"7" the man says

the 2nd man says "no no again i give you two rabbits another two rabbits thats four and another two rabbits thats 6 what are you thick"

the 1st man says "yeah I know but I have 1 at home"

 

[Black Hawk]

I dont get it. Also, dogs rock.