Joke of the Day [Retired]

[Jaujarahje]

I don't quite understand it

 

[Pineapple]

Everything Needs Balance​

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for 6 days. Eventually Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the 7th day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards, through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it EARTH and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to the different parts of EARTH, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there, I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to different countries, "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God, "That's Canada, the most glorious place on EARTH. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be balance?"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."

 

[Seb!]

Wow, a pro-Canada joke. Didn't think that was possible. Hurray for hockey, maple leaves, and socialized health care..

 

[UndeadDragon]

I just seen "The British Isle". So true... And, I am English

The most recent one is good aswell.

"Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."

 

[Jaujarahje]

Haha first time i've heard a joke that has something good about canadians.

 

[Magentix]

Awesome joke

 

[Pineapple]

Wishing Well​

A long time married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife suggested that they give it a try. The skeptical husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too.

But she leaned over too far and fell into the well.

The husband was stunned for a while, but then smiled then said "Hey this shit really works!"

 

[Oninuva]

Did you close Crusher's thread because it was more popular than yours?

 

[monoVertex]

He gave a reason for closing that thread. And I find it a correct enough reason, as a forum is supposed to be composed of multiple threads, not just a single popular one. And no, you can't say that this one should be closed as well because that reason, because he is posting a single joke per day, while Crusher was posting a lot.

And anyway, who are you to question a mod's actions, honestly?

 

[Flare]

Did you close Crusher's thread because it was more popular than yours?

Have you seen the length of the threads?!?! First thread is about 90 posts long, with no order to it. Second thread is 3 posts long, and it's still longer than most other threads in this or any other subforum. This thread has order, and Pineapple has linked to all the jokes to make it easy to find everything.

And anyway, who are you to question a mod's actions, honestly?

Exactly.

And, if he closed threads to make his own thread more popular, I'm sure that TH/other admins would find a replacement.


EDIT: Oops, said 90 pages instead of 90 posts

 

[monoVertex]

And, if he closed threads to make his own thread more popular, I'm sure that TH/other admins would find a replacement.

Indeed, I bet this was disscused in the mod lounge before Pineapple took any action, but that's not my bussiness.

 

[Pineapple]

ok, simple fact.

I closed it becuase a thread for everyones jokes ruin the point of this forum. What if we made on for all the videos as well?

Then there will be no threads.

End of discussion.

 

[Pineapple]

You have to prove it​

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea what some people will do to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" hesays. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Pablo Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees Geoge W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

 

[Lobster]

lol at above

bush joke ftw.

 

[Jaujarahje]

Gotta love anti-bush jokes, wait those are the only bush jokes possible

 

[Pineapple]

Forum Mechanics​

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

 

[Black Hawk]

Lol, it makes total sense. I would argue about how it is spelled.:thup:

 

[UndeadDragon]

That last joke is funny, because it's true

 

[Lobster]

And I thought the bush joke was hilarious... lol at above

 

[AgentPaper]

Forum Mechanics​

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Me too