Joke of the Day [Retired]

[Chao]

HAHAAAAAA HILARIOUS

If that joke was about Hockey it coulda been Canadian.

 

[Pineapple]

Wagon​

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy.

"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on." the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host.

"I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon!"

 

[Pineapple]

Thanks Anman64!

 

[Prometheus]

Joke is missing part.

 

[Pineapple]

Joke is missing part.

what you see is what I got.

 

[Romek]

what you see is what I got.

You're missing the:

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy,

From the very beginning of the joke.

 

[Pineapple]

You're missing the:

From the very beginning of the joke.

Indeed, the formating of the PM made it look like that part was just the 'heres a joke.. yhada...'

 

[Pineapple]

Commitment​

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."

Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."

"My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!"

"It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."

 

[Pineapple]

Just a little longer​

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

 

[Prometheus]

Wow, that wife is a b^tch!
I would hate her!

 

[Dr.Jack]

Just a little longer​

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

LOL. One of the finest jokes in this thread. So true.

 

[Pineapple]

It takes two​

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.

"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

 

[Pineapple]

It's ok doc​

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go..."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Dave, you're a vet..."

 

[Pineapple]

kcrage102 thanks!

 

[Pineapple]

Thrice​

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."

"Three? When were they?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"

"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"

 

[Prometheus]

Three? More like 19! xD

 

[Chao]

Great gokes, Pineapple and friends Keep it up!

 

[Pineapple]

Tomatoes​

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.

The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''

The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''

The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

 

[Jaujarahje]

Haha That one made me lol

 

[Pineapple]

Bill​

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The Bartender says “That will be $2.50”

The duck replies, “Put it on my bill.”