Song what I've Made!

[Crusher]

Well Idk If this is stupid or not,I will simply post my song here.

It is called: Trapped Inside

So here are the Lyrics.


Trapped Inside

I know , how much
I have been ,maybe for too long
that you know ,how I feel
and perhaps you don't,perhaps you don't !



(I) Maybe We've Got Trapped inside for too long
so you can't touch me , do you want to feel my pain inside
Because it makes me so crazy ,crazy about you.

Repeating Again (I)

Did you know that I was waiting ,did you know that I was watching
your single step ,with every day , I tried so hard
to get more closer to you ,but that didn't work
and I failed my self ,and I failed my day !


(I) Maybe We've Got Trapped inside for too long
so you can't touch me , do you want to feel my pain inside
Because it makes me so crazy , crazy about you.

Repeating (i)


Now you can see my truth that I was always hiding ,
and every day ,that I was always finding...

 

[Ninva]

Make sure you hit the space bar after each comma. And the little "...!" thing doesn't create expense. It looks unprofessional.

This wasn't a bad attempt at song writing. I'm sure I've read worse. What I suggest is you reread this and hash and slash all the material you find inessential. Also, I recommend you create a more logical ordering technique. If you can't work it out in your head, draw up an outline. Finally, write more substantial verses. Some of the stanzas seem slightly irrelevant to the topic.

Good job, good luck, and keep on writing.

 

[Crusher]

Thanks,still,I'm Nooby one at this

 

[Halahan]

It is hard to post a song and expect people to get it, because everyone puts a different rhythm and has different inflections, etc.
Possibly tell us what kind of style (rap, rock, Opera haha, etc.) and that might help.

 

[Ninva]

It is hard to post a song and expect people to get it, because everyone puts a different rhythm and has different inflections, etc.
Possibly tell us what kind of style (rap, rock, Opera haha, etc.) and that might help.

I assumed it was alternative or heavy rock.

 

[Crusher]

Yea,alternative or rock