Figure

[Sixth House]

I couldn't really come up with a name as of yet
Took a dream I had that was weird and went along with it. Seemed very interesting.

Not really that great at spelling and I ran it through spellcheck ect. Hopefully it's interesting enough to continue

Spoiler

In a room that was pitched black; I couldn’t see nor hear anything but voices.
“Serve us!” A voice echoed.
Specks of light came from the ceiling. I tried jumping to see if I could peek out; still I heard voices.
“You questioned!” Another voiced echoed.
With every step I make, it was like there was a shadow just behind me, mocking every step I made.
“Enter with us!” Yet another voice echoed.
I heard footsteps.
An admiring figure was standing, with some specks of light on him.
He was waiting like a stalking butler, trying to find a center in me.
“Trust me.” He said.
“Trust in me!” He said again.
It’s like he was working to elevate me, just enough to bring me down. I suddenly was on a table surrounded by candles. I tried to move but my body wasn’t responding. I tried to breathe but my chest wasn’t rising.
I tried screaming but my tongue flattered in vain.

__________________
"I am confident that if anyone actually penetrates our facades, even the most perceptive would still be fundamentally unprepared for the truth of The Sixth House."

 

[Sixth House]

Bump

Is this a good start for a story?
Trying to improve my writing skills. Trying to get into it.

Comments are always welcomed! <3
__________________
"I am confident that if anyone actually penetrates our facades, even the most perceptive would still be fundamentally unprepared for the truth of The Sixth House."

 

[CaptDeath]

for a horror story yeah i guess but thats like were a nightmare ends cant talk/move/scream Wake Up
but on scare factor
7/10
had me a little freaked
opener for a story
9/10
Practically perfect
'bravoooo!!!!"

 

[Ninva]

How does your tongue flatten in vain? Your attempts to make your tongue flat would be vain. You did a good job with the language until that point.

I think you did well. I was emotionally attached to the piece, so it was fairly easy for me to understand the character's feelings.

 

[Sixth House]

Thanks alot! I'll have to change the I tried screaming but my tongue flattered in vain part into something more fitting or rephrase it.
__________________
"I am confident that if anyone actually penetrates our facades, even the most perceptive would still be fundamentally unprepared for the truth of The Sixth House."

 

[Halahan]

good, but the ending was great. that flattened in vain thing was iffy, but that could be changed to like... idk I'll think of it later