Here Lay J.K. Wilson

[rappunk23]

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[Knight7770]

I'm not totally sure why, but I don't like it too much. I feel like the verses are sort of incongruous, but they sort of still make sense. I'll try to give some examples.

Here Lay J.K Wilson.
Bullets Were Shot,
Left Here To Rot,

Here, you don't seem to be talking about yourself, but about J. K. Wilson.

My Brain Has Forgot
So I May Not,
...
And Now I Am One,

And then here, you switch to talking about yourself, so I feel like there are two different people here, when there should only be one.

Here Lay J.K. Wilson.

Then you go back to talking about J. K. Wilson. Is he the one being left to rot, or are you? Has Wilson's brain forgotten, or have you forgotten about Wilson? Were you shot, or was Wilson shot? What are you talking about with the "Now I am one" line? (I really don't get that part, are you joining with Wilson to become one?)
Also, you say that Wilson lay there, which implies he/she isn't there now. Just a hint

I know this is a lot of criticism, but I'm generally better at pointing out the bad things than the good ones. Best of luck with improving :thup:

 

[Knight7770]

It makes more sense now. I guess you were writing from the perspective of Wilson, but you didn't start or end like that, which confused me. Am I supposed to know who this J. K. Wilson is, or is he/she a fictional character?