Repose

[Ninva]

Do you see:
I’m not a bee.
I got revolutionary
A little sumptuary
With my heart in –
In a brand new place.

Jesus Christ – is my Lord:
But I am human
Look – I’m not a beast.
Satan’s got me in a rut
Dancing on the
Moon with a quick, quick huff.

Finding love is like
Thus, so don’t
Sass, sass, your
Life at me.
I’m not a zealot –
Not a helot;
You see: I’m goddamn free.

Don’t be tellin’
How to forgive –
Because I’ve forgotten
‘Bout all those things,
Those words,
And those seeds.
Just dance, dance with me.

We could dance
On the moon;
Sing with me
In a dark and musty room
We could do, do, do everything,
But if I could only woo –
You, darling.​

 

[DM Cross]

Another good read, but with some things that stick out at me...

For starters, I loved the topic and what you said here. It was great. And it flowed really well. I'm curious, do you have to go over the poem more than once when you look at the flow? Do you say it out loud at all? Because few people have their poems done so well.

Another thing I liked a lot was your word choice. I had to look a word up because I didn't know what it meant; Sumptuary. It's always cool to see new words used well.

But there was something that really bothered me, somewhere in the middle you started cutting letters of your words... "tellin’" & "‘Bout"... They just don't seem to fit with the rest of the piece because it's written very... Formal? And this seems to break that formality.

Also, with the repeating words, it almost seemed like this is supposed to be song lyrics, is that right? Or that was just an effect you were trying for, but still keeping it a poem?

All in all, another great piece by THE Ninva.

 

[Ninva]

Ha, thanks Seth. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 

[thewrongvine]

I enjoyed this piece. And your style as always Ninva.

 

[sqrage]

Ha, thanks Seth. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm curious about Seth's questions too

Nice poem, I enjoyed it.

 

[Ninva]

Oh, it was rude of me not to answer them. Sorry, Seth.

>>>Do you have to go over the poem more than once when you look at the flow?

Yes, I usually revise my poems many times, but not as much as I used to. I believe poetry has to have a very rustic or natural feel, or it just isn't good. Walt Whitman and Waldo Emerson are a big inspiration.

>>>Do you say it out loud at all?

Yes, I read it out loud in many ways. Poetry was first recited, so I like to recite mine and mostly others' too.

>>>Another thing I liked a lot was your word choice. I had to look a word up because I didn't know what it meant; Sumptuary. It's always cool to see new words used well.

Ha, thanks. I agree. Words are wonderful.

>>>But there was something that really bothered me, somewhere in the middle you started cutting letters of your words... "tellin’" & "‘Bout"... They just don't seem to fit with the rest of the piece because it's written very... Formal? And this seems to break that formality.

The poem has many moods, which aren't very apparent because I never told the reader that this poem is dynamic. At this point, the speaker is standing up for his individualism to the character he addresses. He's a bit more passionate at this point.

>>>Also, with the repeating words, it almost seemed like this is supposed to be song lyrics, is that right?

All my poems are lyrical to an extent. But in here, I'm trying to create a stutter to reflect the speaker's emotions. I don't know if you could ever put music to this, so no, there wasn't a melody in mind.

>>>Or that was just an effect you were trying for, but still keeping it a poem?

Lots of things are poetry. I just don't follow any rules.

>>>All in all, another great piece by THE Ninva.

Thanks, Seth.