Very good, not to much detail, not to little. Try a bit stronger hook at the beginning though, I didn't really want to read on until the third paragraph. Finish it, I need to see what happens next lol.
UPDATED. Took me a long time, but hey, I wasn't in the mood. I hope I'm not 'dragging' the beginning, cause I'm afraid it might get a little boring and chase readers away... though a lot of action is coming soon.
Strong hook? The third paragraph is still on the first page! Surely you don't judge a book by it's first two paragraphs!
Yeah, well, I'm keeping the name until somebody else complains. No other name seems right for him, since he's been with me for... a year.
Incredible! really stupendous... at the end I was like, "WHAT. but what happens NEXT!"
but you really got it going great there. I just realized everything in the elite is discovered waAY to fast. I just thought of something so totally ownage it just might work. You kinda gave me the idea (not from your story, but how the plot is organized) so thx!
but really great... I'm not sure I have any criticism for it.... oh identify the person a bit more near the end, if you can. maybe give a bit more original name to evil then, "The Dark." I like it, but it isn't that original.
Finally, an update, after so long. I apologize to anybody who actually cares.
Two pages and a half I think, of Chapter Two has been written. Nothing major is, or will be revealed yet. I know I'll have to very soon in order to properly continue, but I'm trying to delay unmasking the plot as long as I can.
(The attachment on the first post of this thread has been updated, instead of putting it in this post.)
A very, very tiny update. Mostly to get me back into the writing mood.
I described the town with more detail - mingling some sights I saw on the weekends with my imagination - edited out some excess "Artheis" words (thanks Halahan), and also put down another small nightmare of Arcane, which I might be changing later on when my writing style has recovered.
I already have the entire second chapter planned out however, so if I am not overly disturbed by school work, or struck by a sudden laziness, then I can have it finished soon. Though really, that may not be a good thing, because the story after chapter two is still on very shaky ground - to tell the truth, I'm starting to have doubts about the plot the way I imagined it at first. I'll keep at The Saga of Immortals however, as I already put a lot of time and effort into it, and I feel that it is one of my greater accomplishments in writing.
(I do have a backup story in case The Saga of Immortals just doesn't work out in the end though. And I gotta admit, that one was planned out way better than The Saga, and has more or less the same amount of depth if it turns out alright.)
Anyways, I'll stop talking now. As usual, I updated the first post in the thread instead of resubmitting it here. Enjoy!