Hellhounds: Chapter one

Is the story worth continuing?

  • No, this shit is awful!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I wouldn't, it's not very well done.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • It's alright, maybe it'll get better when you work on it more.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    2

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
All right. I"ma read right now : D And yes, you should trust me and I'm very sorry I was a little late. I hope you forgive me
But I read this, so you have to read the prologue and first chapter of Remembrance. Your's was like 12 pages and what I just said is like two, so.... I say this is more then fair.

Alright:
Don't use the f word, it immediately draws the reader (at least for me) out of the fantasy world and into the 'sitting at the computer reading a story.' try to think of something in relation to the world, such as, in the wheel of time, people say things such as 'Light, Elayne, why-" and 'Blood and Ashes, Blood and Bloody Ashes!" (that last is considered very harsh language) Just try to think of something like that, if you must use some form of swear words.

Now, the story is very good, but try to add a little descriptions of there culture, style and the like. gives the story a deeper meaning.

I wasn't exactly sure where they were going or the surroundings to much when they were going to that one house with kayle... try to add just a few short descriptions on that, it helps mightily.
Maybe add a little foreshadowing with that uber powerful HellHound, because he's the one in the position of power, or at least a hint, which can be added when he's wondering about stuff.

It was very good, and you do get rather hooked into it. gj, + rep unless I just gave some to you and it won't let me again for a bit :D
 
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