Striking Beauty

[Vassilev]

Hey there, this is something I made while having trouble sleeping and thinking about this girl I used to like... Call it a madman's ravings if you like this is what I did to pass time and I'm curious to see how it fares as a poem (if it even qualifies as one ). So er... critic away ~!

Your striking beauty vexes the stars to beam bright with great envy
Your eyes are like pearls that lay deep within the ocean of perfection
The skin which gently wraps your soul without flaw nor blemish sets my heart ablaze with its silky veneer
O split my soul asunder ! For I have nearly forsaken your smile, that smile which sends the angels in heaven above falling to earth in eternal bliss.
Your beauty is unmatched and charm alluring. What a fool I am for I can only crumble in fascination at the majesty of your enamouring radiance.

 

[Zakyath]

You're absolutely great with words, but imo, you could put slightly more effort into making the flow easier to find. Good job

 

[Ninva]

Very beautiful.

 

[Vassilev]

Thank you