List your Great Jokes here!

[Husky]

Got any really great jokes, that you just crack up at every time you hear them?

Well list them here!

NOTE: They have to actually be funny.

I'll start:


A policeman comes into the police station and see's four men that are about to be taken into the prison area.
So the policeman walks up to the first man and says:

"So, what's your name?"
"Bob", replies the Man.
"And what are you in here for?", says the Policeman
"Oh, I was blowing Bubbles in a river."

The policeman gives the man a confused look and moves onto the next man.

"So, what's your name?"
"Bob, Bob", replies the Man.
"And what are you in here for?", says the Policeman
"Oh, I was blowing Bubbles in a river."

Once again the Policeman gives the man a confused gaze and moves along to the next man.

"And so, what's your name?"
"Bob, Bob, Bob", replies the Man.
"And what are you in here for?", says the Policeman
"Well I was blowing Bubbles in a river."

The policeman is getting really confused and moves on to the last guy.

"So let me guess", says the policeman, "your name's Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob?"
"No", replies the man, "it's Bubbles."


That's quite a hard one to catch onto at first, but once you do, you gotta have a laugh.

Well, list yours!
-Husky

 

[Jimpy]

Its not so much of a joke but I always imagine when I see little kids, them falling over and hurting themselves... Its one of those things that makes me laugh inside my head.

 

[mixmax2]

ok theres this new lawyer in town and he wants to come off as a bigshot and really succesful, so he just moved into his house and he hasnt unpacked or anything. So he sitting at his desk when a man rings his doorbell. He thinks " this is a great chance to look like a bigshot!" so he grabs his unhooked phone and starts talking to nobody and opens the door, the lawyer continues for like an hour making the man wait saying things like " of course were gonna win the trial they have no solid evidence" and so on. then when he FINALLY finishes pretending to be on the phone with someone he asks the man what he wants. the man replies " im Joe and im here to hook up your phone."

 

[emjlr3]

Its not so much of a joke but I always imagine when I see little kids, them falling over and hurting themselves... Its one of those things that makes me laugh inside my head.

wow dude that is kinda weird.....

heres one I always tell ppl when they ask for a joke

Why don't blondes ever talk during sex?

Cuz their parents told them never to talk to strangers!!!

Bada Bang!!!

 

[mixmax2]

wow dude that is kinda weird.....

heres one I always tell ppl when they ask for a joke

Why don't blondes ever talk during sex?

Cuz their parents told them never to talk to strangers!!!

Bada Bang!!!

hah thats pretty good i guess gave me a chuckle

 

[red_rabit]

this might have already ben posted (did not read)




a mexican and a poloc ar in a car togather hews driving








the cops [duuu]



ok a blond is driving down a dirt rode and see's another blond in a corn fild rowwing a row boat she gets out of her car and yells to the other blond ,its blons like you that give us a bad name and if i could swimm i would come over thear and drown you

 

[Wark]

Bada Bang!!!

I thought it was "Bruum Chhh!"

 

[Jimpy]

Ooh heres a joke in the christmas season... sorta.

One Christmas Eve while Santas delivering presents, he comes across woman in her night gown and she says to santa:

"Santa can you please stay tonight?"

Santa replies:

"Ho ho ho, gotta go, gotta go, got to deliver presents dont you know!"

The woman takes off her night gown revealing her undies (ew dirty )
and she beckons Santa stay the night.

Once again, santa replies:

"Ho ho ho, gotta go, gotta go, got to deliver presents dont you know!"

At this, the woman is really unsatisfied being the hotty that she is standing in the middle of a room in her undies.
She takes off her top ( ) and attempts to swoon santa once again.

Santa getting a little nervous and tempted, urges the words:

"Ho ho ho, gotta go, gotta go, got to deliver presents dont you know!"

out his mouth.

The woman pulls her final move, and bit of clothing off (remaining undies) and now standing completley nude in the middle of the room tells santa:

"Your going to stay tonight here with me!"

Santa replies:

"Ho ho ho, gotta stay, gotta stay, cant get up the chimney with my penis this way!"

 

[w/e]

^^ ROFL. + x. I dont know how much I give. 2?

Four blondes are shipwrecked on an island. They meet a wizard who is very bored and gives them each one wish. The first one is to stupid to listen to the wizard and she swims away and drowns. The second one says "I wish I was 10 times as smart as I am now," and she makes a wooden raft and floats away. The third one says "I wish I was 100 times smarter than I am now," and she builds a rowboat and rows to the mainland. The last one says "I wish I was a 100,000,000,000,000 times smarter than those three combined," and she turns into a man and walks acrosss the bridge.

 

[emjlr3]

haha....yea men....they're great....

 

[idk_a_name]

heres one

ok theres a man who went to church, and he saw a really hot nun. so the man walked up to the nun and asked if she would have sex with the man.

the nun saud "i cant cause im a nun" so the man left the churh and whent on a buss ride home. the buss driver saw that the man was sad so he asked what was wrong.

the man said"there is a really hot nun at my church but she wont have sex with me. then the buss driver said"i know that nun, she will have anal sex, but only anal sex with you if you dress up as god.

so the next day the man dressed up as god and said to the nun."im god, wanna have anal sex. and the nun said "sure why not"

after they had anal sex the man pulls off his costume and says" HA! im the man from the church. then the nun pulls off her nun costume and says"HA! im the buss driver"

 

[XXXconanXXX]

Greatest one ever:

One Christmas day, a pregnant woman with triplets was shot three times, but when in the hospital, the doctors couldn't extract the three bullets. Luckily, the woman was alright, and the three children would be alright.

A few years later, one of the triplets, a young girl, went up to her mommy and said "Mommy mommy! When I went to the bathroom this silver metal thing came out!" The mother replied, "You'll be okay dear."

Second triplet came up to the mommy, who was also a young girl, and said "Mommy mommy! I went to the bathroom and this grey thing came out!" the mother replied, "It'll be alright"

The last triplet, a young son came up to his mom, and the mom asked "Did you come to tell me that you went to the bathroom and something weird came out?" The son replied:

"No, I was playing with myself and shot the dog."

 

[Bartuc08]

CAUTION: IF U FIND RACIST JOKES OFFENDING PLEASE DO NOT READ!

ok one day a skunk was walking through the forest, and he noticed a duck that was crying, the skunk walked up to the duck and asked
"whats wrong?"
the duck looked at him and answerd "well i woke up and realized i dont know what i am"
so the skunk starts thinking and says" well lets see, u have a bill, webbed feet and u qauk, you must be a duck!"
so now the duck is really happy but now the skunk is crying, so the duck asks
"whats wrong?"
and the skunk says "well all this thinking has me wandering, i dunno what i am either"
so the duck thinks and then says "lets see your not quite black, and your not quite white, plus u stink, Ahh u must be a mexican!"

THE END

 

[idk_a_name]

CAUTION: IF U FIND RACIST JOKES OFFENDING PLEASE DO NOT READ!

ok one day a skunk was walking through the forest, and he noticed a duck that was crying, the skunk walked up to the duck and asked
"whats wrong?"
the duck looked at him and answerd "well i woke up and realized i dont know what i am"
so the skunk starts thinking and says" well lets see, u have a bill, webbed feet and u qauk, you must be a duck!"
so now the duck is really happy but now the skunk is crying, so the duck asks
"whats wrong?"
and the skunk says "well all this thinking has me wandering, i dunno what i am either"
so the duck thinks and then says "lets see your not quite black, and your not quite white, plus u stink, Ahh u must be a mexican!"

THE END

HAHAHAHA! Funny!

 

[Bartuc08]

One day a married man was dricing home from work, and he was very horeny, so he sees a nun on the side of the road, and she needs a lift, so he picks her up and they continue driving, a bout 10 minutes later, the man is still very horney, so he says, "nun im very horney and i wanna have sex", so the nun says "it is againts are order to have sex but we can have oral sex" so they pull over and do it and all, they get back in the car and continue driving a few minutes later the guy is still very hornet, so he says "nun im still horney can u do anything about it" so the nun says it is against are order to have sex, but u can stick it in the back door" so they get out of the car and have anal sex, a few minutes later the guy is feeling very bad, after all hes a married man with children so he says "nun i have something to confess , im a married man with children and i just feel horrible" and the nun replies "dont worry god forgives you, i also have something to confess, im not really a nun, my names Dan and i was on my way to a costume party"

THE END

 

[Bartuc08]

First off im sorry for double posting


ok theyres a blonde, a red head, and a burnette all set up for execution

the red head walks up to the firing range and the executionr ask "do u have any final words?"
the red head screams "Tornado!" and points while everyone is distracted she runs away
the burneet walks up and the executionr asks the same question
the burnette screams "Godzilla!" and points,while everyone is distraced she also runs away
no the blonde is feeling very confident shes thinking this will be easy i have it all figured out
ahe gets up to the firing range, and the exectunior ask her the same question
she screams "Fire!" and was then gunned down

THE END

 

[idk_a_name]

One day a married man was dricing home from work, and he was very horeny, so he sees a nun on the side of the road, and she needs a lift, so he picks her up and they continue driving, a bout 10 minutes later, the man is still very horney, so he says, "nun im very horney and i wanna have sex", so the nun says "it is againts are order to have sex but we can have oral sex" so they pull over and do it and all, they get back in the car and continue driving a few minutes later the guy is still very hornet, so he says "nun im still horney can u do anything about it" so the nun says it is against are order to have sex, but u can stick it in the back door" so they get out of the car and have anal sex, a few minutes later the guy is feeling very bad, after all hes a married man with children so he says "nun i have something to confess , im a married man with children and i just feel horrible" and the nun replies "dont worry god forgives you, i also have something to confess, im not really a nun, my names Dan and i was on my way to a costume party"

THE END

thast just like mine.

 

[Bartuc08]

yea youers actually reminded me of that one, so i figured id post it

 

[w/e]

One day, lizzy was sitting in sunday school, and a little, mischievious boy, called Little Johnny, sat behind her. Lizzy always fell asleep and the teacher called on her to answer, who is our god? Little jhonny poked her with a needle and she woke up and screamed Lord Almighty! Then fell back asleep. A while later she was asked Who dide on the cross for us? Little jhonny stabed her again and she woke up screaming Jesus Christ! She fell asleep again. The teacher then asked her "what did eve say to adam when they had their twelfth child?" Little Johnny poked here again and she woke up and screamed "IF YOU STICK THAT GODDAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, ILL SNAP IT IN TWO!!"

the teacher fainted.

 

[idk_a_name]

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny.

Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was.

Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"