The Girl Who Cried Wolf

Discussion in 'The Writer's Corner' started by Fatmankev, Aug 11, 2012.

  1. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    Ratings:
    +237 / 0 / -0
    An unfinished (and probly bound to stay that way) story I was working on a bit ago. If anyone has the chance to read it, lemme know what you think of how the people react. I'm writing from a female's POV, something I'm not at all familiar with, so lemme know if it sounds realistic at all or not.

    Important Note/Sinister Warning: This story is about a small clique of high school girls, and the 'leader' of their little group. As a result, it might be hard to read. Like, really hard. It might not be worth reading. If you begin the story and find that to be the case, please report back to me. All copies will be burned. Even if I have to torch the damn computer, they will be burned.
    You have been warned.

    Thanks!
     

    Attached Files:

    • Like Like x 2
  2. Syndrome

    Syndrome You can change this now in User CP.

    Ratings:
    +127 / 0 / -0
    Woah. Not sure how I missed this.
    I'm going to go ahead and read this now haha.

    EDIT: About a page or so in, and already I'm terrified of these girls.
    EDIT2: I like how you built this overly-jealous Melanie up to be this leader who needed attention and then had Emily get asked out. I had to stop there for a bit, trying not to cringe.

    Okay, I finished reading it now... And...
    Uh...
    That's probably the most... uh...

    Definitely liked how you presented Melanie, it really made me hate her at first but then pity her after I learned that her father was willing to pay off grades rather than take the time to go over things with her. I also liked how you showed pieces of her back story within various places, like the money and all. I always had a bad habit of telling too much at once. The whole group thing is very realistic. Very realistic. I wouldn't be able to write something like this ever.

    It's almost uncanny how much insight you seem to have in how a female group works o_o
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. thewrongvine

    thewrongvine The Evolved Panda Commandant Staff Member

    Ratings:
    +505 / 1 / -0
    Ah, well. I think Syndrome summed it up nicely.
    I am scared how you wrote like that, haha. It's very interesting. Do continue.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Syndrome

    Syndrome You can change this now in User CP.

    Ratings:
    +127 / 0 / -0
    I hope you're still writing this haha. Would like to read the next few chapters xD
     
  5. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    Ratings:
    +237 / 0 / -0
    Heh, thanks for the feedback - it's much appreciated.
    Unfortunately, it hit a solid wall after that point, which is why I didn't post what came afterwards. It just doesn't have the right voice, just doesn't ring true to me. It's hard writing about such a sensitive subject in a way that can make the reader feel how I want them to feel.

    It's really a shame, too, 'cuz I have the whole story planned out. Just can't put it on paper. The admission of her lie to the faculty and their responses seems so fake and lacks anything genuine. It's stupid hard to write... and that's why I called it quits.

    Haven't been writing much lately, got stuck back into video games - Fallout, I tell ya, that game is my shit. But I've started working on a pilot episode for a TV show idea, so if I get that finished I might try to readdress this story again.

    And if you're really interested, I can post the little bit more that I have written, but it's definitely crap. If I did do that, I'd ask that you and the rest provide their insight and advice on how to rework it, as there's no doubt in my mind that the entire scene needs to be rewritten.

    But again, thanks Syndrome and TWV. Glad ya'll took the time to check it out.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Syndrome

    Syndrome You can change this now in User CP.

    Ratings:
    +127 / 0 / -0
    Post it! We might as well see where it goes haha.
     

Share This Page