The Perfect Day - for Him and Her

The Helper

Necromancy Power over 9000
Staff member
Reaction score
1,698
THE PERFECT DAY-- FOR HER
------------------------------------
8:15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8:30 - Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday.
8:45 - Breakfast in bed: freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants. Open presents: expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner.
9:15 - Soothing hot bath with Frangipani bath oil.
10:00 - Light work out at club with sexy, funny, personal trainer.
10:30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12:00 - Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
12:45 - Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds.
1:00 - Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
3:00 - Nap
4:00 - Three dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from "Secret
Admirer".
4:15 - Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
5:30 - Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe. Parade before full length mirror.
7:30 - Candle-lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
10:00 - Hot shower (alone).
10:50 - Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11:15 - Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

THE PERFECT DAY-- FOR HIM
------------------------------------
6:00 - Alarm
6:15 - Blow job
6:30 - Massive satisfying sh@t while reading the Sports section.
7:00 - Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked,buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler.
7:30 - Limo arrives
7:45 - Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 - Flight in personal Lear Jet.
9:30 - Limo to Pebble Beach G. C. (blow job en-route).
9:45 - Play front nine - 2 under.
11:45 - Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 - Blow job.
12:30 - Play back nine - 4 under.
2:15 - Limo back to the airport (several bourbons).
2:30 - Fly to Bahamas.
3:30 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4:30 - Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs.) - on light tackle.
5.00 - Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over, naturally).
6:45 - Sh@t, Shower and Shave.
7:00 - Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated.
7:30 - Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy filet steak followed by Ice-cream.
9:00 - Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch football game.
9:30 - Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over).
11:00 - Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer.
11:30 - A night cap blow job.
11:45 - In bed alone.
11:50 - A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
11:51 - Laugh yourself to sleep.
 

SD_Ryoko

Ultra Cool Member
Reaction score
85
May I add a funny?

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man+smart woman = romance
Smart man+dumb woman = affair
Dumb man+smart woman = marriage
Dumb man+dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss+smart employee = profit
Smart boss+dumb employee = production
Dumb boss+smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss+dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS &STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
 

XXXconanXXX

Cocktails anyone?
Reaction score
284
LOL I was cracking up at this for 5 minutes when I read it.

SD_Ryoko said:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Now that's funny;).
 
M

Mark YBARBO

Guest
Ho

Dinner 100 Mastercard
Theater 150 Mastercard
Massage And Blowjob 250 Mastercard
Herpies Priceless
 
General chit-chat
Help Users
  • No one is chatting at the moment.

      The Helper Discord

      Staff online

      Members online

      Affiliates

      Hive Workshop NUON Dome World Editor Tutorials

      Network Sponsors

      Apex Steel Pipe - Buys and sells Steel Pipe.
      Top