Short Story Worst Short Story Ever

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
So, I wrote the worst story in history. What else is new?

http://peacefulhermit.blogspot.com/2008/12/beware-green-power-ranger.html

Here's the original source (I don't update my signature anymore).

My life ended the day after the crisis. Rose was with me then. We made a happy, tangible couple. But now we're the abstract; only thoughts and words can arouse our impalpable presence. Only one who is keen to their spiritual senses can hear us, or possibly talk to us. To feel us would too elusive for me to explain.


The night of my death was rather bleak. I had been fired from the oil refinery transport. My ship was covered with black oil, which I had to clean by hand. That whole day was just hell for me. Rose, bless her beating heart, came to my boat that night. She brought two sandwiches, which I could not refuse. I was hungrier than a starving dog. I'm sure I seemed to be a glutton as I wolfed down two meals in front of my wife. She didn't seem to mind at the time.


"So, what are you planning on doing, Jim?" She asked with the most sincere curiosity. There was no disappointment in her voice, nor was any there a hint of cynical distaste. Or maybe that was exactly what I wanted to observe.


"Well, I can't go to college," I said.


"And why not," she retorted with a concern for me and our future. I could feel it in her eyes.


"I can't do it, babe. It hurts to think about my job being taking away from me."


"Then what are you going to do to keep our family alive, Jim?" Her eyes began to shed tears of helplessness. She didn't tell me the unnerving promise yet; the right moment hadn't presented itself yet.


"What's wrong?"


"I'm pregnant." She whispered as a sob slowly bellowed from her innards. Her body shook, so she took a seat before me right on the deck.


"That's wonderful, babe." I said unenthusiastically.


Now, I feel like I should've been more excited for her, but the issue was... I couldn't bring myself to cheer up. That day left me exhausted, so when Rose came to me with the news that we were going to have a child soon, I was beat. Mother Nature won in all her impetuous eminence and I lost. Now, whatever I could say or do seemed to be a feeble attempt to stand up from the weight Mother Nature dumped on me. Yet this burden like all burdens was only temporary.


"You don't get it, Jim!" She snapped.


"No, I understand perfectly." I replied as I sat down next to her.


Her eyes lost a short of flare in them, which made me sad: "H-how did you know?"


"Life is spontaneous sometimes." I muttered as I gaze out into the horizon.


"I-I-I was just so lonely without you around…"


"I know. I know. I'm here now."


"Do you still love me?"


"Yes, I’ve loved you even when I was gone." I said wrapping her in my arms. She hesitantly did the same and the coldness of the night seemed to vanish in that one embrace. All three souls had a friendly engagement that night, but it would be our last for within the midst of the shadows, a creature hid from sight. His eyes watched us from a shaded mask while it smiled permanently at its victims.


"It's too bad this day couldn't live forever." He said in a loud amplified tone.


The two clasping figures stood up abruptly. I watched the man in the green suit emerge from the land of nightmares. He was a phantom from a past, yet his existence was perplexing to me. Rose watched me in bewilderment. She couldn’t see the creature like I could, yet she was fully aware of the green man’s presence.


“What’s wrong, Jim?!” She cried.


My soul had left my body at this time, which may seem strange to you, but I remember seeing my wife's soul as well. Along with her was the baby. The two ghosts glared at me momentarily than disappeared within a misty fog. Finally, I peered back at my body. It was dead in the murky water with my wife's body. Her womb was cut open. The child who was smaller than a penny was gone.


I watch us float there in the garbage I spilled upon the world. There was no good reason for the spread of my burden upon the innocence of the land. It just happened like my death, like my suicide, like my homicide. As I glanced back at my body, I saw a trail of blood. It was my wife's evidently and on the boat's deck was a hand gun. That gun belonged to me. I killed Rose.


Then I began to plunge into the sea. There I drowned as I sank with the velocity of a rocket. A rope tied around me and a woman I met a week ago. We were bonded then to an anchor, which continued to descend. The woman I was near didn't smile nor did she frown. The only emotion she expressed was indifference.


As I died many lonely times in that watery grave, I tried to comprehend my death. Visions of flash rage came to mind, a scream, a crack of a gun shot, and then nothing. The only glimpse of murder and death that I could see were black and filled my nose with the foul reek of blood. Then a strong impulse would fill my veins, a sudden bolt of anger, and then a profusion of guilt and self-loathsomeness. I cried a thousand times in my underwater grave. The whore tied with me didn't respond to me. She only died over a thousand times without emotion of pain, hate, or passion. It was I who wept like a small child with a scraped knee.


Then the profound event ceased, and the apathetic whore spoke. Her voice was horse from cigarettes. But I clung to each word she spoke: “You’re dead.”


“I know.” I said.


“Tell me, Jim. Did I make you happy on the 14th?”


“No. But I thought we had sex on the 13th.”


“Technically we had sex from the 13th till the 14th. You paid me after you fucked me four times. I asked you to pay me double, but you refused to. Then when my pimp came, you shot him six times. He died bleeding. I loved him.”


“I’m sorry. He scared me.”


“Yet he gave you enough time to pick up your gun, which was in your dresser, which was in a different room. He wasn’t going to hurt you; he wasn’t armed.”


“I didn’t know at the time. I’ve heard things...”


“Do you know where you are, Jim?”


“Hell?”


“Yes.”


“Oh God…”


“He does exist.”


“I didn’t know.”


“You do now.”


“Who else is here?”


“There are too many people to mention. They’re all under us now.”


“Did my wife go to heaven?”


“No.”


“Where is she then?”


“She’s not dead yet.”


“How can I save her?”


“Only an angel of God can save her now, boy. You’re a demon.”


“Then let me make a compromise with God.”


“What can you compromise? God has your soul, but you refused to give it to him. Thus he threw you in the fire with Satan and his demons.”


“Then please turn me into a fish, so I may see my wife once again.”


“You’d either die from the oil in the water or from the lower pressure once you ascend. Is this what you wish for?”


“Yes, please put me in the body of a passive beast.”


“Then you shall have it.”


My soul became transparent. It stretched into a long strain, which touched the nearest fish. I didn’t know which type of fish I was, but obviously it was a bottom dweller. Its scales were rough and my body was tense. A sudden seizure made me mad and sick with sores. The instincts that once controlled this beast lost their influence upon my body for the fish’s body was now an intelligent capsule to an evil soul. I made an attempt to roar, but no voice escaped my mouth. The sudden lost of authority caused my body to soar up toward the surface of the sea. No muscle would respond. My brain couldn’t function correctly, nor could I think. The only thought I grasp was the distinct sensation of agony and pure suffering. This was what I felt until my gills burned from oil and the lack of pressure exploded, which evidently killed me.


Then I saw her. The unconscious Rose floated on the surface. She was beautiful despite her gruesome appearance. There I died within the brief time of twenty seconds, and while my gills bled, a few drops of blood passed my eyes making it appear that I bled tears for Rose. This was my last act as a ghost on earth.

I'll add rep points to those who get through three paragraphs. It's honestly that bad.
 

Azlier

Old World Ghost
Oh God. Misread, delete this post. Hmm. Why do words change before my eyes like this?
 

Seb!

You can change this now in User CP.
I didn't really get it. So he shot Rose and then he died a bunch of times, and there was this prostitute that he cheated with there. Then he comes back up to sea (heh) his wife, and she's already dead and he goes back to hell having wasted his only chance at coming back to earth. I guess I don't get the symbolism.
 

Hero

─║╣ero─
Still better than Twilight.
I strangely actually liked Twilight.

And this short story is pretty interesting..it seems like he cares so much for his wife. He would give his only chance up to possibly walk the earth again just to see his wife. Even though I am not married I'm pretty sure I can share the same feeling.
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Wow. Maybe I should write some more stories that epically suck. I could make some money.

Hm, I must've missed something. I'll try re-reading it :p
lol. Exactly. :p

Still better than Twilight.
Haha. My girlfriend loves the Twilight series.

Oh God. Misread, delete this post. Hmm. Why do words change before my eyes like this?
Don't worry. It's a mild seizure you're experiencing due to the poor writing in this post.

I didn't really get it. So he shot Rose and then he died a bunch of times, and there was this prostitute that he cheated with there. Then he comes back up to sea (heh) his wife, and she's already dead and he goes back to hell having wasted his only chance at coming back to earth. I guess I don't get the symbolism.
You know. I don't even know if I could explain it to you. Haha. :p
 

Knight7770

Hippopotomonstrosesquiped aliophobia
This is not the worst short story ever. The worst short story ever would have to be one of those that are posted here that don't even use quotation marks to indicate speech, or that don't use actual sentences to indicate action. :thup:
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
This is not the worst short story ever. The worst short story ever would have to be one of those that are posted here that don't even use quotation marks to indicate speech, or that don't use actual sentences to indicate action. :thup:
I'm sure there are grammar errors in my story too. :p
 

esb

Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
I really liked it actually. While I don't understand the purpose of why he shot Rose, it was well written and done. He didn't die multiple times, just once, which he apparently tied himself to the hooker (which I doubt however). Rose didn't die however, but he wanted to see her one more time, since he was going to hell, as a fish. Ironically, it looks like it was his fault for an oil spill, and that's what killed him as a fish.

Very well done like I said. Although there are some unclear parts, but I guess it's open for speculation by the reader, making it a different experience to each. I liked how it has tragedy and at least a somewhat relieving ending.
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
I really liked it actually. While I don't understand the purpose of why he shot Rose, it was well written and done. He didn't die multiple times, just once, which he apparently tied himself to the hooker (which I doubt however). Rose didn't die however, but he wanted to see her one more time, since he was going to hell, as a fish. Ironically, it looks like it was his fault for an oil spill, and that's what killed him as a fish.

Very well done like I said. Although there are some unclear parts, but I guess it's open for speculation by the reader, making it a different experience to each. I liked how it has tragedy and at least a somewhat relieving ending.
Ah, I can always trust on esb to read and fully analyze my material even when it stinks to high heaven. :p

I think you got most of the ideas within the story, but I guess there was deeper message I couldn't explain fully. I'm not going to reveal that here because in a way that obscure message is art.

I apologize to those who hadn't received rep yet. I need to wait 24 hours. I'll get to you tomorrow.
 

DM Cross

You want to see a magic trick?
Staff member
Seems like the thread title is a great marketing ploy :)
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
ZOMG, THE END IS AMAZING ENDING. I am going to use that. :D

That was not the worst story ever! It was confusing though, lol. :) Sad story... what a poor fish. Or man.

~Hai-Bye-Vine~
 

Grozzy

New Member
Surprisingly, I really liked this story. I've always had a thing for stories with weird content like this one.

The fish part was amazing, really, what a sacrifice he did just to see his wife..
 
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