Jessi
I'm so green. Like a Machine.
- Reaction score
- 37
Save time and money! Forget how to type!
Do you want to know the secret of eternal coolness? Do you want to know how to turn men and gods alike into putty in your hands? To shrive the eternal columns of damnation and arise, specular, glistening in the aftermath? Then fear not, young stretchpan, for you have boiled the right egg. Behold. The true secret of eternal coolness finally revealed, for all and sultry, hand and glove. Save time and money. Forget how to type.
Some Clever Tricks
As everyone knows, typing is a tedious and repetetive exercise and has been scientifically proven to reduce finger length by up to 0.3% in a recent survey. As I'm sure you know, the word 'you' is one of the most difficult words in the language to type, and shortening it to its final letter is a move not only widely recommended by many top finger scientists, but also practically unavoidable for those in the mobile telephone marketing business.
He Who Laughs
As the old saying goes, 'He who laughs most often is the envy of all his m8z'. Well today is no exception, and indeed I reccommend the use of LOL not only when you're laughing out loud, but also if you're just laughing quietly, or smiling, or maybe just if you're bored. Hell, I'd put it if you were suicidally depressed. I mean, better safe than sorry.
All letters great and small
A big LOL obviously takes much more effort to type than a little LOL, and because lowercase letters are smaller you can fit more of them on a screen, meaning you don't have to keep buying quite so many monitors. And because capitals are bigger, they take more electricity to display and there's more chance of your house burning down. It's an easy choice if you ask me.
Don't type what you can't afford
Nobody likes long words like 'obviously' and 'definitely'. Because of their length and relative obscurity, you might accidentally spell one right and look like a geek, and possibly a gay, too. Not only does using the alternative 'obv' and 'def' ('deffo' if you're feeling particularly saucy) offer protection against such accusations, it also means the little letters on your keys won't wear off as quickly, which is good because it's really hard to find anywhere to buy new ones.
And who exactly are you?
A 'forum' is a place on the internet where you can shout about how gay everything is in peace and comfort. But what's the point if the other members can't see who it is who's making all these witty observations? To say it's you and they'd better believe it, you can either end all your posts with 'ITS ME FAGS!!' or, for a more cerebral approach, choose a unique screenname that leaves no doubt as to your coolness.
If you're male, your screenname should end with 'boi' and if not, 'grrl' or possibly prefix 'princess'. Failure to do this could leave your sexuality in doubt, and it'll take a lot of shouting to get out of that one. Adding numbers to the end of your name will signal to the other members that you're not lame enough to have the time to think of an original name, wihch is good because everyone knows that the truly cool spend too much time being sick and having their eyebrows shaved off to have a moment left over to put letters together.
But it's not certain that everyone will see your name, which is why it might be a good idea to fill your signiature with lots of huge pictures of naked women (as this implies you have lots of sex, lol) or at least links to warez sites (to bring out the rebel in you. Fight the system!) Remember, no font size is too large.
Final Thoughts
And you're pretty much set! Remember, a joke with no sex is not a joke, anything without blood is for kids (gay ones at that) and a day spent without txting all your m8s is truly a day wasted.
I found it oddly relevant.
Do you want to know the secret of eternal coolness? Do you want to know how to turn men and gods alike into putty in your hands? To shrive the eternal columns of damnation and arise, specular, glistening in the aftermath? Then fear not, young stretchpan, for you have boiled the right egg. Behold. The true secret of eternal coolness finally revealed, for all and sultry, hand and glove. Save time and money. Forget how to type.
Some Clever Tricks
As everyone knows, typing is a tedious and repetetive exercise and has been scientifically proven to reduce finger length by up to 0.3% in a recent survey. As I'm sure you know, the word 'you' is one of the most difficult words in the language to type, and shortening it to its final letter is a move not only widely recommended by many top finger scientists, but also practically unavoidable for those in the mobile telephone marketing business.
He Who Laughs
As the old saying goes, 'He who laughs most often is the envy of all his m8z'. Well today is no exception, and indeed I reccommend the use of LOL not only when you're laughing out loud, but also if you're just laughing quietly, or smiling, or maybe just if you're bored. Hell, I'd put it if you were suicidally depressed. I mean, better safe than sorry.
All letters great and small
A big LOL obviously takes much more effort to type than a little LOL, and because lowercase letters are smaller you can fit more of them on a screen, meaning you don't have to keep buying quite so many monitors. And because capitals are bigger, they take more electricity to display and there's more chance of your house burning down. It's an easy choice if you ask me.
Don't type what you can't afford
Nobody likes long words like 'obviously' and 'definitely'. Because of their length and relative obscurity, you might accidentally spell one right and look like a geek, and possibly a gay, too. Not only does using the alternative 'obv' and 'def' ('deffo' if you're feeling particularly saucy) offer protection against such accusations, it also means the little letters on your keys won't wear off as quickly, which is good because it's really hard to find anywhere to buy new ones.
And who exactly are you?
A 'forum' is a place on the internet where you can shout about how gay everything is in peace and comfort. But what's the point if the other members can't see who it is who's making all these witty observations? To say it's you and they'd better believe it, you can either end all your posts with 'ITS ME FAGS!!' or, for a more cerebral approach, choose a unique screenname that leaves no doubt as to your coolness.
If you're male, your screenname should end with 'boi' and if not, 'grrl' or possibly prefix 'princess'. Failure to do this could leave your sexuality in doubt, and it'll take a lot of shouting to get out of that one. Adding numbers to the end of your name will signal to the other members that you're not lame enough to have the time to think of an original name, wihch is good because everyone knows that the truly cool spend too much time being sick and having their eyebrows shaved off to have a moment left over to put letters together.
But it's not certain that everyone will see your name, which is why it might be a good idea to fill your signiature with lots of huge pictures of naked women (as this implies you have lots of sex, lol) or at least links to warez sites (to bring out the rebel in you. Fight the system!) Remember, no font size is too large.
Final Thoughts
And you're pretty much set! Remember, a joke with no sex is not a joke, anything without blood is for kids (gay ones at that) and a day spent without txting all your m8s is truly a day wasted.
I found it oddly relevant.
