The Universe

[Battlemapsta]

Just out of boredom as well as to excerise my skill in writing, here is a new poem I wrote I call the Universe.

The Universe
Big
Ever expanding
Infinite in space
How could we deny it as a race.

Stars
Bright
Very beautiful
Warm and Cold
A creation of god's hands which he'd mold.

Earth
Small
Our Asylum
Guardian of life
We give our repentence to you.

Space is infinite but we're only particles
Of an endless cycle, wrought in magic
For we, the spectators of change
Shall rise to make anew, in a universe filled with marvels.
​

CnC Plz. Not my best work but a new style for me to experiment.

 

[Fatmankev]

I like that style of poetry, but felt as if this could have been better; namely, my opinion of the poem in general changed when u failed to rhyme the last and second last lines when describing Earth, which I felt needed to rhyme. But, that's just me, and I'd say keep tryin' this sort of style, because they can really turn out nice. Good luck, and happy writing.

 

[Battlemapsta]

Thank you for the suggestion. How is this for a revision?

The Universe
Big
Ever expanding
Infinite in space
How could we deny it as a race.

Galaxies
Abundant
Vast Utopia
Of great mystery
Hidden from the pages of history

Stars
Bright
Very beautiful
Warm and Cold
A creation of god's hands which he'd mold.

Earth
Small
Our Asylum
Guardian of life
A beauty that's met in rife

Humans
Us
Unique Species
We meet space
To now see its true face​

 

[Monsterous]

:thup:

Thats quite good, its interesting how you made the start of the poem depicting the universe as HUGE and then finally coming down to us humans whom are unimaginably small (like a grain of sand compared to 1,000,000,000,000 suns put together)