Twilight of the Moon

[Zelune]

I am a fantasy devotee, and, for the last few years I have been writing a book called Twilight of the Moon. It is called such because the entire story is about the night elves battling the sun elves (I know, Blizzard's going to sue me if I ever publish this, but night elves are my favorite elves). The sun elves' rise to power is quite unexpected, and, since the night elves have powers from the domains of the night and the moon, Twilight of the Moon is a very meaningful way of expressing that the night elves aren't exactly in control of the war.

Twilight of the Moon, Pt 1 includes the prologue and the first two chapters. If you're not good at recognizing foreshadowing, don't expect to understand the prologue.
Twilight of the Moon, Ending is the last paragraph I plan to put in my book. It came to me in the middle of the night, and I rushed downstairs to jot it down before I forgot it.

Feedback is appreciated. Also, like Halahan, I am just a teenager, so it would be appreciated if judgments be made in regard to that.

 

[Halahan]

Really stupendous. The Prologue was really good, but you said water repeatedly, maybe look at that. There was a part where it said, "It was part of the tree, but in the same sense it wasn't." Or along those lines. Thats a common fantasy line, so maybe change that. And maybe make it a bit less formal.
Great.