Quick Grammar Question

[New User]

It's hard to see the road ahead if
you keep your eyes on your tracks
Let your memories be an experience
and not a place to dwell in, as you
cannot change where your footsteps are
but where they’ll lead.

Between dwell in and as you, should it be a coma or a period?
Any other mistakes?

 

[Romek]

I'd put a period after 'tracks', and a comma where you pointed out.

Edit:
I'd also consider punctuating it like this:

It's hard to see the road ahead if
you keep your eyes on your tracks.
Let your memories be an experience,
and not a place to dwell in; as you
cannot change where your footsteps are,
but where they’ll lead.

 

[New User]

Thanks.

 

[Ninva]

It's hard to see the road ahead of
you; keep your eyes on your tracks.
Let your memories be an experience,
and not a place to dwell in; for/because you
cannot change where your footsteps are,
but where they’ll lead.

Adding on Romek's thoughts.

 

[Genkora]

semicolons are used when you shift subject in a sentence combined with a transition word, like however; or combining two sentences with closely related subjects and lacking a transition word. It is also used in listing when you want a description after each thing. I have many pets; Spike, my brown dog; Lucky, my black cat; and Jack, my green lizard. Just in case you didn't know as Ninva and Romek threw some in there. They are uber useful.

 

[Ninva]

semicolons are used when you shift subject in a sentence combined with a transition word, like however; or combining two sentences with closely related subjects and lacking a transition word. It is also used in listing when you want a description after each thing. I have many pets; Spike, my brown dog; Lucky, my black cat; and Jack, my green lizard. Just in case you didn't know as Ninva and Romek threw some in there. They are uber useful.

Eh.

It's hard to see the road ahead of you; keep your eyes on your tracks.

It's hard to see the road ahead of you. Keep your eyes on your tracks.

Professional writing textbooks and guides say that these two examples are correct; however, this sentence is also correct.

 

[Lambda_drive]

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college. -Kurt Vonnegut

This is creative writing, your not writing a textbook or a legal document. If you have a few mistakes in your grammar it doesn't matter. This is art and art doesn't have any rules.

Think of all those poets that threw grammar and sentence structure out the window and wrote some damn fine poems.

Don't let grammar or even spelling get in the way of your creativity. Write what ever you feel like writing. :thup:

 

[Ninva]

A good friend once came up to. He noticed that I never used any semicolons and asked me why. I told him the similar thing. Then he did a curious thing. He told me that semicolons were the most important punctuation mark in the English grammar and left after making that remark. You can imagine how many semicolons I used in my next project.

Lambda, I do not know who you are or what you've accomplished, but I do disagree with that statement. Kurt Vonnegut is a genius, and I've read his tips as well. I stuck to them for a year or two, but after studying style/voice, I've decided that an amateur shouldn't jump into the literature world like a Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Vonnegut was a unique man with a distinct style and voice that he mastered. You should too. Don't mimic a genius; you'll end up looking like a fool.

 

[Zakyath]

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college. -Kurt Vonnegut

This is creative writing, your not writing a textbook or a legal document. If you have a few mistakes in your grammar it doesn't matter. This is art and art doesn't have any rules.

Make up your mind. First you say there is a rule, by quoting Vonnegut, then in the next paragraph you say there aren't any rules...

 

[Genkora]

Semicolons are awesome. I don't care what anyone else says, no matter who they are.

 

[Oninuva]

I liked almost everyones replies in this thread. Lots of green

 

[Durandal]

I am envious of all you people here who understand grammar...

 

[sqrage]

It's hard to see the road ahead of you — Keep your eyes on your tracks.

Dashes are cool.