Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'The Writer's Corner' started by DM Cross, Apr 7, 2005.
*Puts on reading glasses*
I didn't know you had reading glasses.
*Puts on thinking-er, reading cap*
*feels like spamming too*
Right now I am reviewing plot holes and figuring out ways to fill them in. Most of this is either going to consist of changing events around or adding in scenes to either explain things that weren't explained but need to happy, or just to make things more interesting.
The beginning chapter is going to have Elizabeth's parents discussing a possible divorce, due to issues dealing with a "her". While Elizabeth overhears this and assumes "her" is herself, we later discover that "her" is Zaris, who Jonathan [Elizabeth's father] believes to be Maria's demanding boss/over-controlling & disapproving mother/grandmother... Haven't decided which role yet.
This not only gives Zaris more meaning in Maria's life, but also allows a few more scenes and dialog dealing with the possibility of a divorce. It opens up conversations with Alexander and Jessica where Elizabeth can show some vunerability... Not that she isn't vulnerable throughout most of the book anyway
We're going to see much more of the flashbacks for Alexander, mainly because everyone loved them, but also to create more backstory. In the beginning, Corruption was going to be book 6 of a 10 book series, but now it's only book 1 of a 5 book series, cutting out the first 5 books which were just backstory to the Blood War. With all of this missing backstory, I'm going to try to stretch it out across the 5 current books, slowly revealing details of the past as we continue in the present.
Also, a big thing I want to change is;
most of the characters in Corruption are killed off, meaning completely new casts in future books. I'm attempting to introduce a few sub-important characters that will make re-appearences later in the series and make it feel less and less like the cast is constantly brand new.
Finally, I've started this
Please see Post 1
This is the nightmare from the first chapter. Chapter 1 is not complete, and thus, a completed chapter 1 cannot be posted.
More to come.
The bit you posted, while well written, is pretty generic. Girl running through dark forest chased by evil monster. A few grammatical errors too, but that's not really a big deal.
It's not bad, but there are a lot of run-on sentences that seem stretched to the breaking point. In the same vein of thought, some of the sentences are a bit verbose. I think you describe a little too many visual details, when you really should be focusing on the immediate action. Also, redundancy.
Would sound much better if just said-"I don’t know how," she thought. Because as we all know, thoughts are silent. It's redundant as it is now.
This sounds awkward, again brevity in the form of a simple "she thought" would serve much better.
Overall, it needs some work. It has potential, and I encourage you to keep at it.
'she thought' is very bland and holds no emotion. Screaming in your mind how ever... But thats just my opinion.
said/thought etc.. are all emotionless. :\
Point taken in both comments. I'll look into this more.
The first part was always meant to be somewhat generic, as it's actually an improvised beginning. The original beginning is the part that comes after this, which most people complained was not very eye-catching (and they were right)
This is at least better than that. If you can think of another path, please share. Personally, I felt this was my best option.
Poet of the Month [Dec 09]
Something new to the Writer's Corner are featured poets/writers, depending on the mood of the person picking the featured artist of the month. For instance, this month I decided to do a poet, and thus, we have our first featured Poet of the Month, Budsmoke!
Budsmoke tends to have a rather interesting view on things, and expresses them in a comedic way. His poems are pretty popular, so they shouldn't need too much introduction. They're known for making us laugh or reminding us of good WC3 times... And here they are;
A man named John McCain
I hope I die from cancer
I like to shake my sausage
I pass up sex for warcraft
I play my warcraft high
I think I might be gay
I wish I had a hamster
I wish I was a peasant
Tower rushed by a noob
Congrats to Budsmoke for being our first Poet of the Month and to everyone else; Enjoy!
lol, I agree with that! :thup:
He isn't even around anymore, is he?
He is around.
How silly of him to post a goodbye thread then :O
Oh well. Gratz Bud
Updated with 2 more excerps.
Sage is quite possibly my favorite character in the world of Kranin. He's insane, he's quite possibly immortal [how else does he live through all of this crap?!] and he wants to kill you. All of you.
Keep in mind, the three excerps are entirely different portions of his life. They don't go together at all, there are MANY years between them all.
Has someone been watching trailers for The Wolfman?
I was unaware that anytime a movie has a sentence appear in it, it suddenly belongs only to that movie and everyone else is only copying them Because no one ever said or wrote those words in that order ever before Wolfman in the year 2010...
haha, I remember that. Argh I r wolfman I keel you all!
I like this new one, funny. So the noble is uh unconcious I believe?
Sage seems like a cool guy to hang out with.
I never decided if he killed her or not. I was, originally, going to have him go even nuttier and bite into her face kind of thing, but... Well, it just didn't work like that Dunno why.
We have Arrived
First poem in awhile. Enjoy.
I woke up today
And I feel reborn
I can’t find the words to say
I don’t feel tired and worn
I can’t help but feel
This is my sign
This has to be real
This is my time
I can’t shake this feeling
I could take the world by storm
My whole world is reeling
Is this how it feels to be reborn?
Does life really get this good?
Because I feel so alive
If I could explain I would
I have arrived
I couldn’t dream this up
Never saw this coming
Life’s a full cup
No more running
Used have no one believing in me
But I finally found my paradise
Sooner or later you’ll see
I’m the man and they’re the mice
Standing here in the beautiful rain
I know I’m not dreaming
I’m like an unstoppable train
Still going, still steaming
I see you can have no doubt
You have to know you can survive
Just believe in the way out
And you will arrive
It feels just like flying
You feel you own the sky
You know I’m not lying
Close your eyes and give it a try
Get used to this new life
It’s time to change now
I learned to shed the strife
It doesn’t matter how
Forget the dark of the past
It’s time to realize today
Live every moment like it’s your last
Mean every word you say
Reach up and give me your hand
We will learn to thrive
March to the beat of your own band
And we have arrived