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I couldn't keep these... thoughts to myself, and I couldn't tell them to anyone whom I know, as they won't understand me. So, I thought, why not to post these thoughts here, why not to share them with someone whom I will probably never meet, and who will remove the burden from my thoughts.
Just read it.
Sorry if this does not belong here, I thought it might fit to writers corner more than to the general discussion. And sorry if it is kind of... hard to read. I wrote it all right from my mind.
Just read it.
So here I was, sitting in some fancy restaurant, together with the "elite" of the people, as you can call them - Owners of big companies, politics, magnates... All here to prolong their pitiable existance by breathing the fresh air of Alps and drinking one of the best Wines. I was sitting there together with them silently. Why? Because I noticed one thing. All their bragging about "small gifts" for some "persons" for favours or something like that, how they "jammed a bill through" and so on. And then a thought came.
To whom do I belong? After all, the whole life, everything is split into two sides: the ones that have everything and the ones that don't. And these both sides hate each other - in everyday life, you can hear the whinings and muttering how they get more money, you can see people follow all the moves of the "Elite" with malice, how they blame the top of all their problems. It has some truth. But what is stopping you from becoming one of the "Elite"? Only you, yourself. Your lack of ambitions. Lack of obstinacy, determination, diligence or artfulness. I still rememeber the question my uncle, one of the "Elites" gave me when I was sixteen:
"There are two options: to lower the expenses, or to increase the income. Which one do you choose?"
This question answers it all. It answers, to which side do you belong, where will you go. But now, it does not really matter to me. Why? Because I don't really care. I don't really care about money, which, at the same time it is both, good and evil. It easens the trading, easens the way of changing property, but it also creates greed and envy, it often becomes the purpose of life for many people, as you can get more than your neighbour with more money, you can rise up and become on of the "Elite". Money has never been a problem to me: I had moderate childhood, and didn't really wanted a lot more. Yes, a better bicycle or a computer than your friend has was always a good thing. But not the main purpose for me. Later on, money was easily gained for me: Shares, part time jobs, savings etc. Now, few weeks ago, my unlce invited me to go have vacation with him and group of other people. I had saved enough money to allow myself a small luxury of going to Venice Carnival and then skiing in the Alps, to break out of routine for like.. what, ten days? It was great time, but now, few hours after returning home, I am sitting here, writing these lines. Some inner voice does not leave me. It asks - whom do I belong to? Did I increase the income, or decrease the expenses?
And then, the same voice foully whispers: "And what if it is all just an illusion? What IF the whole world you live in is just an illusion? What if it is sum of your and other people thought's, and in the end, it doesn't mean anything. Do you really need to reach something, do you really can't live without luxury"?
And it can really be true. I mean, prove me it's not true. Our world is built from what we believe in, after all. For example, we eat a lot of food. A small but obsessive thought "I'm going to be fat" comes to our mind. We don't really notice, but it goes to our subconscious, and after some times, it stacks up and becomes really obsesive. Same goes with car accidents, same goes with plane crashes, wars or even global warming. Even further. What IF everything, I mean everything is illusion, for example, we all believe that a rock is hard. but that's just because we believe so. And what if we could believe that it is just as jelly? I mean, believe it, be sure of it. After all, how come those monks that are far from civilization can do things a normal man can't do? Because they are not defiled with the "usual", "rational" convictions. If all of the surrounding people would believe that we can, for example, fly, we probably could. But we *all* will never believe it. Then, of course, we can try to seperate ourselves from the other people, we can try to "override" our ideology, our pre-set beliefs and really fly. But that's a reall hard way. I mean, you will probably never really, fully believe that you will, for example, fly, or that you can breathe soil. There will be always a small thought "It is not possible". We can't overcome our Dogma's.
Then why all these thoughts are bothering me?
Sorry if this does not belong here, I thought it might fit to writers corner more than to the general discussion. And sorry if it is kind of... hard to read. I wrote it all right from my mind.