Hitchhickers Guide to Warcraft

[Zero R.]

Actually, you would just have to post here, and Phoenix will add.

Then, every Friday, I back up if there's new info.

 

[Freeplay]

ah cool.

Put in some useless things too, like in the book.

"The Best Ice Cream in Azeroth can be found at Mirage Raceway, where a man with a mage stick and a weird Scarecrow hat sells pet chickens..."

 

[Zero R.]

"The best ale in Khaz Modan can be found in well... Khaz Modan. It's not like you would have to travel across the Plaugelands, through the Realm of Fire, across the valley of pitch darkness, and under the overpass of jumping Gnolls in order to get some ale.

You just go to a nearby bus stop, and go there. What's hard about that? Seriously, you people exaggerate too much."

 

[Freeplay]

lol thats good.

"It is a known fact that all Pandarens and Gnomish Lenscrafters know that the best anagrams are created by Thrall, the Warchief of the Horde, no, not the whole horde, just the orcs, but then again, nobody likes anagrams, and if they did, they'd need to know what one is first, And by that time, You usally wonder why Pandarens and Gnomish Lenscrafters know this in the first place, then you might begin to question if there even IS any Gnomish Lenscrafters, and why they chose to become Gnomish Lenscrafters in the first place..."

 

[Lord_Phoenix]

Thanks so much for the help!

As of now, I'll re-update it (thanks to Zero R.) And add some more stuff, mabye fix the ToC, or something.

 

[Zero R.]

Yay. *will update page when is not lazy anymore*

Edit:

10b) The Über Flying Sheep
The Über Flying Sheep control the whole Lifeforce of Warcraft. Killing one would obviously destroy the whole world, or something to that extent. The Last time someone killed an Über Flying Sheep, this flaming troll appeared out of nowhere and spammed Ogrimmar! You don't want that to happen again, right?

Right?

 

[Kenito]

3b ~ The Orcs​

After the names "Spawn of Yoda", and "Sickly Green Mucho Man" failed, Blizzard came up with the term "Orc". "Orc" could stand for many things, including "Oh, Red Cookies!", "Oregon Rookie Chefs", and anything else that twisted imagination of yours can think of.

If you are a female, you will want to kill yourself now, because the orcs are a pretty sexist race. All men...which leads to speculation that orcs reproduce by means of budding (explaining orcish acne, in which the pimples resemble mini-peons). The only two female orcs would be Griselda, who got owned in WarCraft I -back when everything had 2-pixel eyes, and would all say the exact same things ("My liege?" "My liege?" "My liege?"). The evil overlord Bill Roper was responsible for that, but that story is for another time. The other is Garona, a half-orc half-draenei, who was quite ugly, despite not inheriting the Draenei's giant mouths.

Once upon a time, the first orcs began estabilishing a quaint culture. They even had their own religious book, which, most notably stated, "Thou shalt rip the flesh from oneself's enemy for me, as long as ye stay green, sweaty, and...err...green." In time, this evolved into the teachings of shamanism and much more. A group of demons, perhaps the same ones behind the drug smuggling nowadays, enslaved the orcs and corrupted them. The orcs were now into hellish magics, and enjoyed blowing things up.

During the events of WarCraft I ("Yes, my lord." "Yes, my lord." "Yes, my lord."), the orcs entered into Azeroth, and fought with the humans. Eventually, they gained their freedom some decades later. Even further on, an awesome orc, Thrall, and his retarded, yet manly friend, Grommash Hellscream, led their people to Kalimdor. After lots of senseless killing and ripping the limbs off of humans, the orcs eventually established their own nation, Durotar.

There is much speculation that this story has much more "logic" and "depth", but, one of my stature would rather speak the truth - which is little more than what I have typed above. If the answer to all life was summarized in a mere number, a two-digit number at that, then a story could be summed up in even less, but the publishing agencies wish for me to write a certain amount.

To be continued...

 

[Lord_Phoenix]

Updated main page, I need to rearrange the ToC soon, but I really don't have time for it.

 

[Freeplay]

Man, i cant wait to see the updated verison of our Guide to Warcraft. i cant wait to see all our stuff put together in the guide.

 

[TotalGhost]

LOL funny book man
If it ever note "ever" gets in the stores it would likely be awarded with best comandy.. LOL omfg aliens for warcraft?? You stole that from simcity on like xbox! anyways good book...

 

[XXXconanXXX]

That is absolutely brilliant. Had me cracking up the whole time.

 

[Lord_Phoenix]

I have some free minutes! Therefore, I have just added this newest addition to the guide!

10b) Cactus Patch Kidneys, Decaying Baboon Liver, Partially Digested Quilboar Dung, and the Rediculously Rich, Insane, and Relativly Hungry Gnome.

 

[Rabarber]

The human government came up with the idea that orcs had the same breeding procedure as the human race, which was absolutely wrong, since all orcs are spawned as Peons from Strongholds.

 

[Lord_Phoenix]

Just a bump today, I'm too fried to be creative!

 

[Lord_Phoenix]

Just another bump. Just been to Illinoi and Ohio and all that stuff for collages. I'm too tired to update.

 

[InfectedWithDrew]

Add this

Warcraft Creation Theory

Why do all the units of a single type look exactly alike? Are they clones? Related? Machines?
No, none of these. The answer lies in how units are made:
When the player clicks on the button to make a unit, deep inside the CPU the computer creates a tiny little minion that looks like a Chibi version of the unit you just made. This little guy runs over to your CD drive and uses the disk to become "a real boy." Then, it runs into your monitor and enters the game.

Jk, they're all the same because it's easier that way.

 

[Shadowslashe]

Firewarrior, everyone knows that all the races in Warcraft have perfected cloning...

You might be able to somehow incorporate this:

It appears, very interestingly, that some kingdoms in Warcraft are, "weak as hell". The entire high elf kingdom of Quel'Thalas was destroyed by about 30 cryptfiends and a guy riding a horse.

Also:

4) Night Elves
Purple tree-huggers of the warcraft universe, with a ratio of 10:1 females to each man. This makes the night-elf very happy, and therefore efficient, warriors. It can also be noted that all females in Warcraft have exceptionally large breasts, for reasons biologically unexplained.

4a) Night Elves Units

4b) Night Elves Story

5) Undead

5a) Undead Units

5b) Undead Story

 

[XXXconanXXX]

It appears, very interestingly, that some kingdoms in Warcraft are, "weak as hell". The entire high elf kingdom of Quel'Thalas was destroyed by about 30 cryptfiends and a guy riding a horse.

Ahaha that's great. Wouldn't spiders instead of cryptfiends be funnier though? ^^

 

[Zero R.]

5b) The Undead

The Undead are a race of people, and spiders that are well, not dead. Not to be confused with living units, they are actually dead. But then, they should not be confused with dead units, because they are actually alive. Now, this dosen't make sense, if they are dead or alive. Nonetheless, they have a champion that has questionable eyebrows.

 

[Lord_Phoenix]

Hey, just a bump for now, I'll be poasting new stuff soon